haix..as usual my pounding heart woke up up today..so early at around 850...i cant even have a gd slp..hopefully tommorrow onwards the slp would be sweet sweet one! had some scary dreams juz now...dreamt that i gt 13 pts again!..and elonn gt 10 points while regina gt 31 points...so scary!!..kk...now go bath then go xl hse....hao pa ar!!!!!


ok...now i will pen down all the things and tots that ran thru my mind today..!...

---

after the long wait..sunday is finally here..and tomorrow would be monday aldy..so scared..really..!!!..i very scared i wld really get 13 pts....i dunnoe...wat if i cant meet my target???...i dunnoe too...anyway..juz went to play the day away today at kBOx...wif the same peeps lo...two sis n garie....sing for like 5 hrs?..ya...but garie n sis quarreled again..guess they cant go kbox together..haha...the other time aso like tat..lolx......argh!!!..i think cant slp aldy la..tonite...by the way...found his frenster acc....i was being disgusted...seriously for the first time in this 3 yrs..nv have i feel this before..really he changed!..not bias...really..i noe myself...wld nt be bias...but xl wun believe...well..maybe it's juz my opinion...

---

---

today i pon sch again..but it was not as great as yesterday..it seems like...i was being woke up by my nightmare regarding my o level results...i dreamt that i have gt 13 pts and that was really lousy!...it's a very very big de-prove-ment as compared to my prelims...sometimes i juz think that i am a very very great failure...because i cant accept failures...i cant imagine wat i wld do when those lousy results really come true..omG!!!..anyway..at first i tot that i wld nt have any program today..juz nice xl called and told me to go j8 to eat sAkae wif her...but she called at the wrong timing..i aldy had my lunch and was quite full..so we walked around j8..walk n walk n walk until i was hungry..we went there and i juz ate 3 plates...xl ate 5..oh ya..then we went to buy the new world t-shirt...we are gg to wear it on MON...the SCARY DAY!

---

haha.thurs today and i had ponned sch...so shuang!! long time i din slp until 11 o'clock that late le..it feels greaT! after that ate half packet of maggie noodle..shower and zoom out of the hse to meet xL..we were heading for Lido..to catch white noise at 1.45..

the start of the show was quite boring and the worst thing is that there were alot of CjC ppl..they were so noisy!..they are practically turing the horror movie into a comedy..and xl had careless topple the popcorns..but seriously..i dun mind..!...but she kept saying sorry..lolx..but as an overall...it was quite scary..after watching the movie ..we went to shop around...during that time we also gt to noe that it was confirmed that resu;ts wld be out on the 28th..2p.m...haix...i am SooOOo worried..sOOoo scared! ~i feared the feeling of jumping down from a helicopter that had been hovering above the ground for a long time~..hoW??!

---

---

---

today is aJc funfair!...it's abit sian...the strawberries that we made wif so much hard work din really sell partially of the price and the other factor is that they doesnt look veyr appealing...it looks like shit manx....but ada was abit bad la...saying all ours are nt nice...i mean..we did our best rite? anyway...the funfair ended and at nite i had to face those chinese ppt..they were so horrible ...i nv seen such lousy presentations b4..omg lo!!!arGH!!

---

jus one day bef0re the funfair today...i was supposed to make strawberry chocolates...intially i tot that they were simple but i was wrong...they were extremely tedious. i had lots and lots of difficulties melting the cadbury chocolates! they juz cant be melted...first time..they got hardened...second time..they were burnt!...and the third tiMe...finally it works already..it was so tiring! but i think they doesnt look very appealing..haha..nvm...oh..one thing i wan myself to remember today are a few words...paradox and ironical..haha..GP siao?? ya lo...today got alot alot work to do...econs online test...cHI ppt slides..and mux study aso..and that funfair thing..well hope that funfair wld turn out gd tml...=)

---

first day of CNY:
this yr..the mood of cny is particularly diff from other yrs...coz i like have no feel for all the new yr goodies...dunnoe y...even when go ah ma hse there...i only took one from each...like so sian liao...haha...ya..then at there...i cant stand jieyin n his bro..they are so damn selfish...took the choco once they reach and is ALL!...although i din wanted to eat but i tot they was so selfish..hongbao collected for the day..$108

seConD daY oF cnY:
oH...today went back to GUGU hse...so long that we din went back there on cNy le....and is together wif jiarong they all and big uncle...ya...it's quite lively over there but it's so sian..nth to do..today ate slightly much..oOps..coz it's really damn sian..jiarong kept showing off her bf...and the worse thing of the year is that everybody asked the same Qn..that is whether we have bf...so sian...when i wanna forget sth..there always seems to be someone there to remind me...haix...buut nvm..new yr le....and at nite..meiyan came..i think that she is so obsessed wif self beauty..first time see such ppl..find that it's quite scary la...lolX....hongbao collected todaeZ..:$12

---

haix....have to re-type everything agaiN! anyway...today i pon sch....then dun have to wake up so early...but kana woke up by yin...aRGH!!!! haha...ya...and then back at bartley...i was like feng......like tat..so long nv behave like that le...this is esp so when yx comes lo...dunnoe y aso...normal behaviour i supposed?..yea..and my heart was pounding like a stoopid drill when i saw him..he was sitting to seats away from me...i actually feel kind of a sad but i have to act feng to hide my sadness....haix..oh ya...and i somehow overheard that he has gt a new target....from his n elonn's conversation..dunnoe wat kenting o something la...haha...it made me like...argh...and i kept telling myself..k..nvm nvm.....it's over...hmm..in sch i saw Seah...LEe..TAy...TAn KC...etc etc..haha..and the first Qn they asked was that wat we are doing now....haha...all sama de..yea...and after the whole thing..i went to j8 wif cam..goey..junyi and JAs...! and then me n jas were like some long lost frens like tat..have so much to tok....and kept laughing all the wAY...lolx...i think junyi n cam cannt stand the both of us le.. btw..on 147..cam told me that ben said that actually yx is a flirt? he goes for gals who are as smart as him and pretty ones...that means my assumptions in the past were true lo...that is so upsetting lo...imagine urself being used by someone thru feelings and is real feelings somemore...anyway..i think i have come to my senses....YEA! but it really really hurts....although i noe i have come to my senses....i still cried...it's very saddening..is slightly better at the brain that bad?? muz we be used that way?? y izzit always the one the puts in the most efforts ache the most...i wonder wat in the world is real now.....all i noe is...i cant be that naive anymore..

---

wahaha...i was so super high today in sch...wonder y...maybe it's the eve of chinese new year eve? yea...i was juz simply waiting for the maths common test to be over and tada...dun have to go to sch the nxt day...yea..!!!..but then...i feel so scared to go back to sch tml...i feared tat i will see him..i feared tat i wld break down and cry when i see him..~tat's horrible manz...and extremely malU!....i can'T!!! i must tell myself i cant!!! i mus put everything tat is no more possible behind..throw it as far as possible....use as much strength as possible..i am trying very hard u noe...although i noe i am juz as useless coz i aldy felt like crying when i saw him online...and ooPs...he actually din tok to me...tat's so upsetting...haix... anyway...finally today i noe how to make this blog thingy..all thanx to priscillia..if not i still like gong gong like tat..haha...we also took class phto today..heeX.....
laykoon...
..remember....SMILE!!...forGET!!!

---

finally friday is here again..kind of happy..after one whole week of tired week..today aso stayed back to help out wif the chinese new yr decor..actually wanted to leave at 3 o'clock de...then see ada like very ke lian like that so i stayed backed and help..yea...after i came home..i went to j8 wif jie n mei...dunnoe y i became very sad..maybe because jie n mei are toking abt love stuff...it made me think of every single thing again...i am so sad..i almost cried again..then i had to control...i am really very sad...i dunnoe y so many bad things befall me these few mths...haix...pimples pops....breakups...friendship prob..studies stress...i feel so terrible..haix........................i am actually so angry wif myself that y i am taking such a long time to forget him...the more angry i am ..i more i felt like crying...*sob*

---

maybe..it's fate? i was jus like that given the inprompt speech of Qn- "Do you think BGR is acceptable in JC?"..somehow i was really stunned when i got the topic and then appeared my name from Ee teng's mouth..though it is quite a easy topic for me to tok abt but it definitely arouse back alot of my memories...unknowingly..i almost cried when i was giving the speech..wat i said abt growing from obstacles in relationship and becming more mature are actually all abt myself..isn't it...haix..i jux feel so damn sadzz...lucky i could control myself and din break down and cry..
today aso went home quite late coz stayed back to do the new year decorations...first time i am drawing block letters for a class..my class..normally..i dun get to do these stuff...haha...it is actually a great sense of achievement la...

---

wa..after a long long wait of two ccas days...the instructor is finally here..but then again..we din really sing today because she was doing some intro today only...as in like..wat she will teach us for the year...i tot it was really nice...things she does was really amazing..haix...and i as really tired today..perharps after two days of running and running...haha..erm.....and one more..i dun like the way cl sings leh..some of them..they used 假音...haha...and i hate that..nvm la..i mux stay in my way...!!!! btw....yester handoko gave me some cool advise..that reallt encouraged me to have confidence in myself......muz really thanx him manz....=)

---

wah..juz one day after cross country and we had to run another 2.8km..it was real tired...my whole body here and there is so tired already...here coomes the troubling QN again..i asked prisicilla whether i shld go for the bbq or not..and she and fengmei gave me the same ans....that is juz go..prove tat i had put everything behind aldy....but i am really scared...i scared i wld burst out in tears when i see him..haix..will i..? hmm...today also gt a gd chat wif handoko...we actually exchanged our principles in life..and tats is sth special to chat abot...dun u think so? haha..

---