AGE.



Working in the same building, under the same organisation but a change of floor. From the 5th to the 7th floor where the accounts department is the only department of that organisation here. The rest of them, belong to that bigger organisation- SN**.

Each time i walk towards the photocopying room, toilet or pantry, I sensed dullness in the air and see age or simply dullness carved on the faces of the ladies sitting in their own cubicle. It sends shivers in me..and makes me feel a little dull too. Lack that bit of a liveliness in the office, especially so when the typical corporate lady w that thick red rouges bury herself(themselves) in their work, expressionless. And i really conclude that if one works in such an environment permanently, it would be so likely that they age at a more rapid pace! Why? The topic of the conversation, the atmosphere of the environment that eventually affects one's mood, style, beliefs and I believe looks are affected indirectly as well. Just like the most common topic Ive heard in office - Motherhood.



Parenthood comes as one eventually gets married and give birth, well at least in the norm.

Though my own cubicle is partioned such that you cannot peep over the other cubicles easily, I constantly hear about Parenthood, especially Motherhood from the front, back and even diagonal desks. Talking about promotions for baby products, development of their very own child, sharing of experiences w their newly-borned child which all tells me bout their lifestyle. Like what Samantha says, she doesnt even have the time and energy to go online now.

This is all too hell scary. While I kowtow to the mothers on their willingness to sacrifice - Time, freedom, energy, friends, fun, appearances, I can't imagine myself doing that few years down the road. It seems that I'm so reluctant to give up my own time, my precious freedom, the fun without heavy committments and definitely to lose the youth and figure. I cant imagine that I cant even go online..or I have to even worry bout the lil kid at home when im out. Neither can I imagine the already chubby koon growing to an ultimate fat ass.

All these nightmares.. they are definitely nightmares. It's sweetness, it's a completion of life for many others. Life would not be complete without starting their own family. But life wouldnt be complete without myself. Age w eventual committments leads to the loss of oneself. I dun understand how it can be even complete when u lost so much of ur own freedom and dreams. It feels more like you have lost urself for you have to prepare to see your family more important than urself.

Its tempting to think that whether these are nightmares lie in the hands of urself. Its possible to start a family and still holding on to ur freedom etc..It's a matter of management? You think so? I dont. No matter how good u are in the management in this case...you cant totally shrink off your responsibilities..Its just too hard to stay responsible yet having the SAME degree of freedom again. Imagine urself being tied to a chair. You might still be able to walk around but it's just not as carefree anymore. And if you're tied to a heavier chair, you might eventually be coerced to sit down.

Freedom is so important so important to me. And fears of ageing has never struck me so badly till this week. Maybe maybe its because..im still young that all these feel like a vampire that will suck my blood dry.

fears

Labels: inner voices

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