Sometimes I just wonder how much courage and bravery I have to go through the same trauma or obstacle twice, thrice or more. Will I still be susceptible to it or can I grace through it?
Its a wonder, its a question that's lingering in my head. Of course, this doesnt mean that I want the answer through experiencing nightmares again.

And I have come to accept that many of the times, we are forced by the circumstances to struggle things through. To not fall and still be able to continue with the subsequent journey of life. Given the same circumstances, whether you are being left alone or you had someone to rely on makes a huge difference of who I am as at now.

After a good 18 years of living on this planet as a worry-less lil gal, I finally discovered some of my weird temperaments. Unlike the norms who would ease into the comfort of their loved ones in times of agony, I would choose to drift away from the social circle. For I think the social circle or rather anyone out there except myself is like a social stage. The constant efforts to put up an act that all things are fine and to incessantly carry out a smile or simply typing a 'ha-ha' add to one's pain.

Perharps the need to act in front of others..strong at first look but weak on the inside. Its the weakling who doesnt even dare to reveal the flowing emotions. Remember my question of who is stronger? The one who cries or the one who grit it through w a smile. It seems like either way of arguing has a certain degree of convincing myself.

Even so, my choice is to delve in solitary and isolation. It's only in my own isolation that I wouldnt have the pain of a manicured smile. As much as solitude can sometimes encourage intrusive and scary bad thoughts, somehow it removes the burden of being in the social circle and the worries of mentioning that whatever particular topic. Maybe a bad sign. but...hhahas..thats just me. And its the time when i can let my emotions flow before I step out of isolation and grin at everyone again.



new discovery

Labels: Emo.., inner voices, Reflections

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