Complexity in Simplicity

Thursday, October 02, 2008

.Wonderful Times Again

First desserts at ben & jerry since Cheeky's return!

27 Sep 08 -Ben & Jerry at Cathay

And the night's talk bout RESPONSIBLE men...

Shokudo - 30 Sep 08

It's always good to have something you used to have and love so much. The usual late nights out, one activity after another. To be able to do things together without too much of a hesitation, all in the name of enjoyment and fulfilment. Just hafa admit that recurring mental burden is bad. Too bad I was alil tired after movie and became less conversational..

Swenson's White Choc Blondie - 30 Sep 08

We talked bout how likely one in love can easily Cognitive Dissonance. Not that I agree with him that I'm committing such a dissonace too. Consiciously, I know i'm not.

In fact I think that Self-fulfilling Prophecies is more likely..If you look at the most basic way of how this mechanism works..it seems like everyone suffers from it.

Expectations towards somebody -> you therefore behave in a certain way somewhat congruent to your expectations -> person in a specific way coz of way of treatment -> Confirm your expectations.

Sometimes I wonder how detectable is this? OR can you actually detect it? It's so easy and normal that you treat ur loved ones better...and reciprocation, supposedly traits of a good character. Reciprocity in kindness at least. If it exists, in this case, I think self-fufilling prophecies are happening in a 2-way direction.

OH. and who's trying too hard? The fact that one probably need to sustain their self-esteem through a series of reminders and goals. And I believe self-esteem is etched into one in the most sub-consicious manner. It's only when u think that you are more superior than others out there then will you feel good about yourself. Frankly speaking, I feel that self-esteem should be a relative cognitive element than an absolute one. Or for the least, you have to nativfy it.

I dont wanna run away

but I cant take it anymore, I dont understand

3:19 AM

Labels: Dine, happy, happy food., my love :), Reflections

doodled at Thursday, October 02, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Saturday, September 20, 2008

.Absolute Isolation: Meritus Mandarin

To sum it all before I start, they were surprising, indelible moments, soothing, sweet, cosy and luxurious.. :DD

Friday - 12 September

The grand plan goes this way.. On Friday night before I pack my stuff for ''weekend home'', I was told not to leave the house until he has told me what's that one thing to bring.. So i waited patiently for this busy man to tell me what's that one thing.. And it turns out to be.... my swimsuit.. !

When I saw Cheeky... I asked him " Uh...are we going swimming?" and I was told that we MAY be going for a swim before anniversary dinner..If not, we can go on Sunday too.

Later in the night, Shaun came asking if we wanna join him and his girlfriend for a swim at their dad's condo tomorrow afternoon. And it was dismissed with a 'see-how' response from Cheeky, when I thought they already planned it before-hand. It's just too coincident yea?

As promised, Cheeky gave me a hint, on where we're going the next day, before we turned in.

- "A place that doesnt close until past midnight" and he wanna cross midnight with me ;D

Obviously, this wasnt a very good hint, at least to me. Coz almost everywhere opens past midnight on a Saturday night...I stumbled on my guesses.

Saturday - 13 September

We diligently packed our swimsuits, grooming needs, the clothes for dinner to go over to his dad's abode for a swim. This man is smart; he came up with the excuse that we dont have time to return and change for dinner so we have to bring our stuff along. And I docilely followed the man, as much as I can according to his plans. While I had totally no idea of the grand plan in mind. All in my mind was how will Swimming be with all of them. On the other hand, Cheeky said he dont really feel anything for the swimming but rather how the plan would work out. The waiting time before the activities for anniversary rolled out was slow..

We tucked ourselves into the car, finding ourselves driving on busy roads in the day-time. It was kinda different. Rather than the usual soothing cruise we had, things felt abit more energised. We had Cheeky cursing and swearing at car-drivers who horned at him. With the guidance from Shaun and Lin to his Dad's place, we arrived at the first destination. Supposedly a destination or not.

"Hey where are you going darling?" Cheeky asked me when I opened the car door attempting to get down with Shaun and Lin. This made me pretty puzzled and I probably gave him a blur reply.. "I'm getting off with them?" But I was told to accompany him while he go park the car..outside.

Outside? This sounds pretty weird to me. And I was just thinking how weird this condo is, not allowing visitors to park their car inside. (I'm feeling kinda dumb whenever I think of this part). The journey to the car-park "outside" was beginning to feel alil long.. until he hit the expressway. I cant help but asked.. 'why is your carpark so far away?"

"We are not going to swim, darling. We're going somewhere else.." Cheeky smirked as he utters those words. It kinda stunned me that I only replied "oh! okae..."

As the car moved towards CTE (probably the only expressway that I can really recognise), I asked if we're going to town and was told that "nope, we are just passing by town''

Soon, we reached the REAL destination and looking at where Cheeky was going, I finally got my guess. Meritus Mandarin.

Upon the arrival at the always-familiar Meritus Mandarin's lobby.. I was again urged to wait at one side. It was really sweet looking at his back-view, checking in...Doing everything by himself. And one thing that I havent mention is the kind of contentment, warmth and love felt when I saw him carry the bag of heavy belongings.- It's not about what he always do but what he usually don't do, despite it being a small favour.

Room 2042

The lovely room that we were allocated for the night was 2042, at the South Tower.

With a skillful swipe, Cheeky slotted his key-card above the 'key-hole' above the door-knob. And what stands before the opening of the door was a room which was spacious, luxurious and really soothing.. It must be the kind of holiday-mood one has when checked into a place of absolute nothingness in ur reality. Sadly, the view of the room wasnt facing the Wisma Atria Side.. Nevertheless, like I told Cheeky, this place is really a great place for a contemplative mind to think and feel.

On the right side when you enter this cosy room, it's a full-walled mirror facing the toilet with the sliding door..On the left side when you enter, it's a simple yet classy and sparkling clean toilet with a bath-tub!

In the room, neatly plain yet luxurious-oriented white coupled with orangey-red furniture really made the furnishing look really compatible. The bedsheets were of no crease and had four big comfty pillows laying on each other. Most importantly, it, the king-sized bed, was big enough.. for me to roll around. :D

After exploring our own room (looking through the drawers, the pamphlets, the menus etc), we checked out the Tennis Court and Swimming Pool and finally decided to go for an hour swim before it closes at 7pm.. The water was quiet. Not a single soul in the pool. All there was were a few foreigners sun-bathing at the side of the pool, despite being an almost sun-less evening.

Special memories during swimming given to ..

1) how Cheeky taught darling to float on her back and swim backwards, rather than her standard Breast Strokes..

2) How Cheeky asked me to count from 1-20 but swam to me within 5 at the 1.5m mark, grabbed my ankle (yuppps, i screamed) and carried me up on his shoulders as if a token of triumph.. =x

3) the competition of who can swim further away with just one breath. And....I lost.

4) the attempts to dive downwards..

5) the piggy-backs..

This has to be, I say for sure the best moments the 2 of us have since Cheeky's return from the US..

Desk and Sofa

The lady has a choice for dinner. To ensure that Cheeky wasnt making all the decisions for the day, he let me choose among the list of dining places he has in mind for us. Here it goes, Triple-3, Pine Court, Chatterbox or in-room dining? I couldnt make up my mind for that. While I thought that in-room dining is gonna be reallly rare, I was afraid that Cheeky wanna have it somewhere else.. Like a tug-a-war, I finally finally chose in-room dining and was glad that it was parallel with Cheeky's initial decision! *grins, grins, grins.*

One of my favourite pics!! ;D

Another favourite pic!

Setting up of the table of food in OUR room!

Really love the look when this man sign off the bill, not for materialistic reasons but the kind of

'air' and masculinity.. =D it took them approximately 25 minutes to deliver our orders up and they were all still piping hot when delivered.

Too much too much.

Dinner was really sumptuous with food from Chatterbox, Triple-3 and maybe some other restaurants from Meritus Mandarin. Especially love the Samosa...really nice! Caesar Salad w Smoked Salmon was nicely complemented too...Crisp, with the fresh salmon.

But dinner is absolute privacy, just the two of us with no restrictions in time. The simple chats over dinner. And the coincidental playing of "The Lakehouse" on HBO has complemented our dinner well with romantic love songs. *glad that we had in-room dinner.

US in the Mirror

We had ourselves lying on the bed, having heart-to-heart talks, or maybe more of a reminisce kinda chat. And even though both of us missed chilling at the Observatory Lounge, we were too full to stomach much of anything. And since I really dont feel like leaving the room... we forgo-ed chilling and enjoyed each other's company just in the room.. ;D

lovelove. chubchub loves *u!

And my only gift and surprise for this very well-deserved man is the newly-launched nano. Bought it off the shelves of I-shop when it's not even officially keyed into shop's system! :D

But it just felt utterly good when I saw how happy he was, even back home when he was fiddling with it..

I was kinda reluctant to sleep that night. Knowing that such isolation would soon be over the moment you sleep. Oh and to mention, while giving Cheeky his weekly massages, on the big bed, it really felt so much easier.... coz you dont get cramp and difficulties massaging one side of the body.

This stay with Cheeky made me realised how one couple can easily indulge in their very own best moments without the interference of the outside world and when u place their in the right environment.. I didnt realised such isolation until I walked out with Cheeky to 'stock-up'. Then had I realised Im already engulfed into the moments belonging to our the 2 of us. It's a very very new experience.

As to why One year or One month? It was with regards to the kind of honeymoon period the two of us are in despite being together for one year. My idiotic smiles for the little actions Cheeky did. To the extent that the kind of sweetness really felt novel, fresh and like those of the usual first few months of couples. I'm extremely, extremely glad that we haven't lose them. And actually, if i really think these through, Cheeky's trip to US had kinda gave the relationship a 'restart', like we have started on fresh grounds.

I recall how things weren't as sweet just before he left..when both of us were on the verge of solving issues for each other, or for self. Whichever way it is.

All of these, I can safely say that we have grown stronger, much much stronger in terms of the understanding, and support (only when needed) we gave each other. The always important comfort level. The certainty of this love. The honesty emphasised. The simplicity of mine which kept your love. The complexity and contemplative that made me fell in you. We've been through the test of time and distance, non-obigatory but self-obligatory showers of concern. It sounded dumb to friends of mine ,when one year ago, i told them that our relationship were on the terms of non-obligatory and maybe even to the extent of an open-relationship. I received overwhelming response saying im insane then. Perhaps nobody..even my siblings didnt know what I was thinking about. But know what? It was such non-obligatory terms and all those mentioned above that brought the love of 2 of us up.

Over this one year, I was always said to be a good gf, a good gal who always deserves to be happy and shouldnt be sad. That even during shitty times when you were in the US, you were blaming yourself for putting those shitty things of yours as part of my burden too. But like I say..shouldnt couples be sharing good times and bad times? For the fact that I know whether I wonder get involved in your unhappiness or not, you have no right to really blame yourself. And being overly understanding, sometimes I tend to make decisions for this man.. thinking too much into the interest of another isnt really good yea? Cheeky hates people to make decisions for him especially when he knows that he chose for a reason, a reason good and convincing enough to keep that choice. Inferiority kicks in at many times with Cheeky. A man so high up there, regardless of intellectual, wit, knowledge, ideas, maturity.. I'm nowhere near. I always have the mindset that whatever I have in my life is nothing compared to everything that Cheeky has in his.

But despite all these, we never had problems. If i recall... the number of times that we really quarrelled can be count within one hand. Sometimes I really still wonder how we were made possible and not only made possible but made to grow beyond our own expectations.

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now.

8:01 PM

Labels: Anniversary, ecstatic, Extravagance/Fine-Dining, my love :), Reflections, Sweet

doodled at Saturday, September 20, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 7 Comments

Friday, September 19, 2008

.My Weakest

22 SEPT 08

It takes a year or even less, the most two for one to find out what's your weakest subjects academically. It takes about that amount of time for one to know which areas are you generally weak on, paralysed..

But it takes half a lifetime, perhaps the whole of it with the right attitude and reflections to even identify your weakest weakest personality traits. Unlike things mentioned above, personality traits are not as avoidable. It's so inside you.

I'm beginning to see all these supposedly good traits of myself to be bad. Blind optimism, that's what i always hear from vampy, from one who's jaded in life. Am I suffering from that too? I always wished I didnt. I wished that good things, good people exist. It could sometimes make me feel like crying when I think of the sad things on this planet. Why can't people believe that good things exist? That people do out of good-will than for the benefit of self?

The society is intolerant of soft-heartedness. In a place where one bites another to get a piece of that something, a piece of that something... Soft-hearted creatures are a prey. It's such exploitative relations that made me so scared now. So scared of myself. When will soft-heartedness land me in trouble...again?

Neither can many people tolerate considerate souls. Thinking for others in their shoes too much is tiring but un-stoppable. Sometimes you just wished you could stop. Oh man, even for strangers...you do that? You're an idiot.

i remembered I did this test on facebook before:

WHAT MATURITY LEVEL ARE YOU?
Adult-Though you still make errors in judgment, you arrive at them after careful deliberation.
Description: You care about others as much as yourself, often putting them before you. Though this is still a transition period, and you are still learning about yourself, you possess a certain level of self-confidence and knowledge of yourself which helps you make it through whatever life throws at you. You are level-headed, preparing yourself for the future and whatever it may bring you. Others find you to be overall reliable and intelligent-someone they can come to in times of need.

Yes, and obviously putting others before myself is my weakest link.

So trusting that when people throw all things at you, when people 'convinced' you that they has nothing to lie to you...you believed. Because you believe good people exist. Because you are soft-hearted, when you see one's disappointment.

Of all these, the root problem is?..... Stupidity. Ash.k, you're out of this world's game.

Time to reflect and pray.

the loser makes the winner's day

10:41 PM

Labels: enraged, Myself, Reflections

doodled at Friday, September 19, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Sunday, September 07, 2008

.Passage by Synergy '08

University Cultural Centre

Welcome by the brightly-lit building UCC and I was still in time. The second time that Im watching a Contemporary Dance. The previous was by AJC and this time...NUS's Synergy. In fact, I lacked the interest to look forward it in the beginning. But having watched the second, I think contemporary dances are nice to watch (but probably not my interest to dance that) coz it's artsy soothing and magical. It exhibits the graciousness of each dancers and when it intergrates with the music, props and especially lighting..I felt like i was watching some world arts.

The first office themed dance was great. Novel, it is.

Inspiration comes from these people. The relentless, "the show must go on" attitude. Having this dancer who injured her ligament but still went ahead to dance. Now.. that seriously worth a great deal of applause. And to hurt her ligament and still dance beautifully..it just makes people wonder in awe if she was putting up a show in her limpings. But apparently, it was a real injury as confirmed by Char.. And it's not only me. After the dance..audiences were asking if the injury was real or an act. It was too good to be real.

Kinda glad that I went for this performance and shared my friend's fruit in this hardwork!

Char and koon

______

And on my way back after meeting this disgusting man, it just makes me ponder on how disgusting stares can be. Staring in admiration and pure attraction is just different from a lustful, fantasized one. And it sucks especially when the latter kind of man do it like they have every right in doing so and deny your defy towards their stares. It's just such a disgust that these people in their conscious or sub-conscious have not even the least realisation that they are(were)(will be) invading someone elses private space. And well, private space here refers to the imaginary-boxed and true quantifiable private space.

If staring at something or someone relatively nicer is considered a automatic reflex, I just hope to refute this and say that it is controllable. Then again, it's all too superficial to forget that some people are just not too right up there and perhaps the sexual drives generated from their hypothalamus are just so strong that all other brain parts governing logic, rationality, attention and probably movement are failing.

So then sometimes, groom or not groom?

New Ideas: Strips Series

ANOVA is insanely confusing.

we doubt simplicity when we both dont mind simplicity.
- When I ran out of words, you said it for me

10:28 PM

Labels: Dance, Myself, Reflections

doodled at Sunday, September 07, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

.7 Deadly Sins. 7 Heavenly Virtues.

Yupps. I'm idling my time away now; taking a little break from this long day.

I began to wonder about the history of 7 deadly sins - Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride. So I started reading. And I happened to come across the existence of the idea of 7 heavenly virtues which somewhat complements those sins. Via self evaluation and online tests, such double affirmation tells myself that I was right. So right. My greatest deadly sin..it's PRIDE otherwise known as vanity as well. Here of course, I thought bout the extent of each sins in me afterall everyone has a little of everything. Dont tell me you dont.

Much to wonder about the 7 heavenly virtues, some sources provided 8 of them. But basically it's prudence, justice, hope, love, faith, courage, temperance..all rein to the moral wings.

Yet, if you think bout it..too much of the virtues can actually lead to sins as well..dont they? All things come in moderation. All good things turn bad when there's too much..

oh no. i'm so tired and in pain to type a proper entry.. =x stop here first.. :(

i'll seize the day if you take away

11:52 PM

Labels: Reflections

doodled at Tuesday, August 26, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Saturday, August 23, 2008

.When I grow up

When I Grow Up by Pussycat Dolls

The new dance song today after Lavigne admitted that Lip Gloss was rather hiphop rather than Reggae. And this choreography is more fun and sexy according to what she said. Wonderful song. It's constantly playing in my mind now.

I was looking at the lyrics of the song or the title of the song even. It made me wonder how vulnerable one may get as we grow up. Ironic to the adage of 'one should get stronger as we grow'. We had so many dreams for life, so much hopes for it when we were younger. I haven experienced it, perhaps like what he said..i'm one of those lucky kids around. Jaded and fearful; uncertainties. The struck of all these. Growing up is not always a good thing..

_____

" You know, when I laid down there...lost for words, yet again. I really wished those hugs could make you feel better. My laughters can be a bit more contagious even if its just for a while. I meant what I said.. to stay by you. To really disrregard the past way of lifestyle; we all adapt isnt it? And I think I or we know whats behind 'The Great Pretender"...and we both didnt say anything until certain times..But I know what it means with the simple words too... 'a big boy'. The ways to handle one is to believe this one knows what he's doing and will confide when he needs to.."

I'm not really considered a very big girl yet..to be totally sensible and even be able to understand the psychology of grown-ups. This has to be examined from a few aspects of psy - developmental, cognitive and perhaps even social psy.. But even at a young age of 19, I understand the need to be able to left alone to solve and think through things. Of course, apparently, this does not apply to everyone of us. Just like how I hate it when I'm down, people began to shower extra care and concern, it's like becoming a little gal again overnight. Just feels so weird, so wrong. It would feel like sympathetic concern or in worst cases, for-show concern.

So essentially, i believe..care and concern are important but not overly excessive to feel abit more real, and more sincere. I think, i think and i think (of coz from my point of view, and most likely applies to myself).. be there silently, like as usual..and only speak when need to. Yet, it's a dilemma of how to strike a balance in giving when you consider the possible factors.. the effects of it when you give more or give less. But I think this man here works pretty much the same way as I do in this area; perhaps w a slight difference.

~playing 'Miss you in a Heartbeat' by Def Leppard.

crown of scars

11:02PM

Labels: Dance, Media, my love :), Reflections

doodled at Saturday, August 23, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

.Sunny-side up, please.

Beat the bad times with positive thoughts that can shape your life.

I read an interesting article on Sunday from Straits Times. An article that made me agree with it. It is a pretty optimistic piece of article. But it would be good to note that a cancer patient wrote this. Perhaps I'm still not jaded enough to find this article THAT delusional. But I hope it will give some light to the down ones. I have skipped the intro though.

".........I have since come to believe in the power of the mind. I do not mean to suggest that the mind can overcome all suffering or illness. This is too simplistic a view.

But I do think there is some truth to the truism that we are what we think, and wisdom n the old adage that positive thinking can transform lives.

If nothing else, putting a positive spin when going through a difficult phase in life helps us stay hopeful- even if it does little to change the material facts of the circumstances.

And as we all know, hope in the face of adversity can be a great source of strength.

Sentient, feeling, loving human beings are no strangers to sufferings. Pain is a constant in life; only those who have stopped loving and stopped growing feel no pain. When one feels pain, the temptation to anaesthetise it away with activity is strong. It is only when we embrace the pain, accept it, trace its contours, learn its rhythms, that we can hope to move beyond that valley of pain, into the flatlands of daily, routine of life.

In the darkness of the valley, it is easy to lose sight of hope. It is easy to mistake a transitory journey through the darklands, for a permanent sojourn.

It is precisely at such times, that the power of the mind can work wonders.

When I go through these valley experiences, I have come to rely on an arsenal of tools both spiritual and material.

In the material world, I stave off depression by tapping on friends and company. I try to eat regularly and sleep well, with the aid of herbal or medical concoctions if necessary.

I make myself do things even when all I want to do is stay home and mope. I dragged friends to shop with me, take time out for a massage, visit someone - even when every light in my universe seems dimmed, when every activity is poignant with loss and anguish.

My spiritual arsenal has expanded over the years. Meditation in the Catholic tradition has become a lifesaver, as has more mainstream forms of prayer.

When the heart and mind want to dwell excessively on negativity and pain, I practise the habit of zapping negative thoughts.

It's very simple: you learn to identify the thought patten that triggers feelings of despair. You zap the thought and say: Stop.

You replace that negative thought pattern with a pre-determined sentence or affirmation that is positive and life-giving.

It is amazing how well such a simple prescription works, and how quickly you are able to stop trains of negative thinking in their tracks.

Amid the confusion and pain of a turbulent episode - whether it's a major illness, a divorce, a bereavement of a job loss - it requires superhuman effort to remember that life is not always so grey. It require wilful effort to believe that one day, things will get better.

For most of us, the pattern of our lives and memories of happier times, will beat out this faith that from the desolation of the ashes today, a phoenix may arise tomorrow.

Positive affirmations are one simple way to help us remember that after the tempest comes the rainbow - whose beauty can stir our battered souls.

If all these sound like mumbo-jumbo to you, at least know that there are sizeable numbers of people in the world today practising such esotheric mind practices who will swear they work.

A 2006 movie, The Secret, tells of the "law of attraction" - a reference to the belieft that positive thinking and hopeful expectation attracts what we want into our lives.

This is apparently not a new idea but can be traced back to ancient Egyptian and Hindu Philosophies.

I've often thought of God and the universe as benign beings who want good to human beings. If that stands, it's a matte of simple logic to believe that God, the universe, all powers that be, conspire to give you the things you need and want, which are good for you and good for others. And they are just a hopeful, positive, wilful thought away.

Call me an optimist, but I reckon that a pretty hopeful way upon which to build a life."

Taken from Thesundaytimes August 3, 2008 by Chua Mui Hoong.

I didnt buy the faith in God of hers. Personally I find the strength in her fight towards the ugly phase of life remarkable. I've always thought it's really important to never lose hope. True enough, hopes are things of uncertainty..they may once again bring you down into disappointment but it makes one alive.. Sometimes we wonder, why do we fight on? For various reasons I guess.

She said.."only those who have stopped loving and stopped growing feel no pain". I thought it was so true. It will be scary to see one feeling immune to the ugly phase of life, when u gave up in everything even in prayers. Someone with no love and stopped growing is as good as an emotionless corpse which is more scary than an anguish alive feeling soul. Sometimes I really look forward to the innocence in life. Seems like innocence loves the most and is still growing at the most.

Having said that, hopes cant be inserted into a person just like this. We need to find it ourselves, within ourselves.

You make it easier to be me

6:34 PM

Labels: Media, Reflections

doodled at Wednesday, August 06, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 2 Comments

Sunday, July 27, 2008

.Language Speaks Status

"Stead" - One of the words that I caught from the couple who was gossiping 'bout their friends behind me. It reminds me how I thought this word was. To be describing two persons being in love and in an official relationship. No matter how I look at it...it never seems very apt.

Without looking at them, a stereotypical image floated across my mind. Perhaps one of those still in secondary school...perhaps the "hooligans" in school.

With that scenario aside, the importance of language spoken especially has been reiterated. I gladly admit that how one's culture, environment, and exposure have groomed or rather educated one to be relatively proficient in one language. With a combination of these factors, one can almost readily make a safe guess on the social status of a person. Even though we always say not to judge a book by its cover..but personally I think it's a safe gauge of the most basic status and background of one.

Like how 'Chinky-ness' has been coined upon me at the moment of utterance, different impressions are formed when one speak. Especially so, I'm talking about English. It dawned upon me that no matter how much effort u put into your most outer appearance...the 'beautiful moments' would be more than spoilt the moment you speak.

In other cases, good language can have you get away more so than someone who uses a crude one. ...given the same issue. With a different lanaguage used, the impression people have on you can (almost) flip ~~360~~180degrees around.

And we all know..good language allows one to progress MORE easily.

Enough being said..since im not in a fantastic position to talk bout language..but it jolly well serves a good reminder to me to constantly put in effort to rectify the wrongs of my language and to learn, learn and learn. I wouldn't blame anyone when they correct me..sometimes I thank them for it....despite the fact that yes..it is quite awkward at times....

Fate loves to make fun of people.

1:47AM

Labels: inner voices, Reflections

doodled at Sunday, July 27, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 2 Comments

Monday, June 23, 2008

.Gems for years

Just recently, i was made to realised that how my peers especially my sistas like goey and xiang ling and buddy dote on me. They let me do things in ways I want..somehow let me make the decisions and play along with me during my cam-whoring sessions even though they are kinda reluctant.

They are understanding towards me. They dont complain about me putting my love above them sometimes. They dont even really grumble about it even though sometimes they tease me.

They are there to give me a listening ear and to advise me... etc.

Sometimes i really feel like a lil gal with the way they treat me. But I dont really think it's coz im really younger than them by months...

Goey for accompanying things i wanna do. Goey for not minding my excessive cam-whoring habit. Goey brushing off my worries and saddness with hints of relax and jokes.

Xiang for continously asking me to take care of myself, my back...must eat..etc. (though i thought it was abit ironic w the fact that she herself doesnt)

Buddy for sending his regards fr Vietnam,specially reporting his safety and thinking hard on what souvenir to get...

hahas.....i think im v blessed.

And these are only good friends...besides them...i still am blessed with so many other people..my parents...my family, my cheeky.

The 'irritating' parents who always buy me food even though i said no. Wake me up just to EAT. The nagggings and scolding that are actually care and concern.

The cheeky who hides his concern in hmph...forever cool-ness. My privatised gentle side. :) All the pampers im showered with. To call me all the way from US and to web-cam despite the fact that he's so tired at....2am...and last week..all the way till 4am. It all made me feel so baby-ied.

Everything to remind myself I'm ordinary enough to have these luck.

So willing, feeling and watching it growing

5:31 PM

Labels: Friendship, inner voices, Reflections

doodled at Monday, June 23, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 3 Comments

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Nursery and Babies

One of my colleagues gave birth today and despite not being very familiar with her, i dropped by with Jooyi and Samantha to visit her. I stood one side looking at the baby in those carriages..she's really adorable. Fidgeting with her eyes closed and displaying all sortas expression. You know how it feels like when you see a baby? Sometimes it's more than just thinking...' >.< so cute!'

Wrapped tightly with a pink towel like a small little parcel..i felt the happiness of hers and her husband. And then the whole narration of the labour process...apparently giving birth is not simply 'push harder'. I think its freaking nerve-racking especially for the first baby of one. But to most parents, the warmth and happiness as the fruits are so worth it. While of course Ive heard many whining about the loss of personal freedom and rest. Poor thing in a sense.

Sensed the nostalgia when i saw the nursery coz its like those i saw on the TV. For the first time I got to overlook the glasses and look at carriages and carriages of babies in pink and blue towels.. Woo. Cute little dolls. :P

And i often wonder........................................

Sometimes i just cant help it but creep into a corner..

5:20 PM

Labels: Reflections

doodled at Wednesday, May 21, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 2 Comments

Saturday, April 19, 2008

How should It Be?

It's never easy making a decision when emotions, reality, practicality and all other kinds of factors entangled together. The fact that Í cant see each of them as clearly as i wished to blurred the parameters of decisions. But how should the perimeters be framed on?

A Question to be answered over the rest of the journey of my life i guess.

Is it a time to step out of my own world of self-delusive kind of decision making process? Then again, how sure am I that those are self-delusive? Is a time to open up and even subsitute some of these parameters? How can I even stop my emotions and irrationality from posessing me over rationality, maturity and impulsiveness? And when will I really stop myself from deciding on things that I don't really want?

and when the pride builds up..

4.36 AM

Labels: Ordeal-Erd.pty, Reflections

doodled at Saturday, April 19, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Sunday, April 06, 2008

*Lock-ed

These days, recalling happy memories is accompanied with tinges of sadness and sourness. A weird kind of combination. I have been questioning myself 'why am I feeling this way?". Feelings that aren't suppose to overlap each other yet continue to prove myself wrong. Perharps it's an expecting of uncertainties matched w a lack of confidence in my abilities to handle situations and thus making decisions.

And its only recently that I realised that too little of those day-to-day memories are recorded. For sure, special celebatory moments are recorded in this little space. Yet I seemed to have neglected a little of those sweet everyday moments. When I recall them, they too formed an important piece of that circle we're in. Despite being the most frequent compared to each of the celebratory moments, they were never enough nor too ordinary. And I wanna lock as much of them in my memory as possible.

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
-Yes. I have a choice

7:40 PM

Labels: my love :), Reflections

doodled at Sunday, April 06, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 2 Comments

Sunday, March 30, 2008

WITNESSING WARMTH - weekend home

`28 March 08

I had my friday well-spent w Dear, taking a real slow dinner at Fish & Co's over Glasshouse. Recalling the last time when we were there, i agreed to the 'Fling Game' and were very much pressurised by the cleaning up staffs as we were the only patrons there. This time round we were much earlier, sitting right in front of the loud live band. Things of coz are different now while we talk bout things that sit closer to us in our life, much more ease w each other.
And Fish and Co was playing songs from i think the Max 6 CD. - kinda funny i thought, as we went 'woa, damn retro'

Without having to rush for last trains or movies, we headed for coffee at TCC. It was then i realised a very weird habit of my cheeky. :)

T-o-y

I dunnoe why i didnt take photos at Fish & Co and took some photo which I already have in my photos collection. guess it's just my instinct to take those desserts pics. And even if I already have them, it's another piece of similar yet non-identical memory :) And this time i realised how messy it is the dark devotion is compared to Morton's Hot Choc Cake..(which was awesome).. keke.

At one try, i drew this :)

`29 March 08

And these days I realised myself being addicted to "Zack and Wiki", a logic/IQ console game. Somewhat love to rack my brains over things, things that I cant help but keep thinking of it until I've solved it.

`30 March 08

Surprisingly I spent time alone in cheeky's house without feeling very weird. Not easy to come by such 'houses' LOL. Spent the dinner time with his family at Crystal Jade as a belated birthday celebration for his mum and began to feel the wonders of warmth in different or another family. Seeing how mums can also get excited and happy in celebrating their birthday and even buying a cake! This kinda of feeling ,from the view of a youngster or children, is like heart-warming even though i just plainly bring it across with the word "cute". But indeed cute too isnt it? When someone older seems to be back into child-like behavior. Just goes to show everyone has a child-like side. I believe so. Of coz you dont reveal that to just anyone out there.

And it's the companion and attention of your loved ones that makes you happy on especially special days. :)

more hugs!

12:39 AM

Labels: Dine, happy food., Indelible memories, my love :), Reflections

doodled at Sunday, March 30, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 2 Comments

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

BUSY?

Yupps. Feeling tight with time. Other than my standard timetable, dance lessons and practices, time i wanna spend with dear and time in gym, track or pool, the rest of the time is up to me to play around to manage my tasks on hand. Feeling busy because of last minute work, i wonder if one has the right to say..'i'm busy'.

It then reminds me of this person who gave a smirk to someone who seems to be really free and then began to compare a busy person to her. And the connotation I've gotten out of it is that..there seems to be something wrong to be a free person in this quickened society. So much so that by right, an undergraduate shouldnt be said to be free. (of coz other people like kids and secondary students can afford to be ..free) The more busy you more, the higher value you would be.

Oh gosh, the pressure to tell others u're busy is depressing.

i think im not busy, just too much stoning. Just like I'm in the midst of stoning now. Supposed to do a final consolidation of Psy Stats test tml. Seriously hope it will not be too tough. And after that, time shall be given to socio and affinity group project.

By the way folks, i think i better say this before more people come asking me. I've removed the tagboard. Kindly take half the effort more to comment instead :]]

so tired now ;( and i dunnoe why i love to 'talk' to my blog when im bored/tired. lolx.

Some opportunities are hard to come by!

2:03 am

Labels: Reflections, Uni-

doodled at Wednesday, March 12, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 2 Comments

Friday, February 15, 2008

VALENTINE's DAY AT MORTON's - 14 Feb o8

This place..this place was really crowded with couples mainly of caucasians even at 930pm. A place serving the best steaks, i supposed so. American -based setting with friendly and funny service staff.. Yuppz, the Morton's at the Mandarin Oriental. My first time there despite a few recalls of the lobby some time ago. hahas.

I'm always damn stunned when I look at the menus of these places. That puts me in a position of dunnoe-what-to-order.

and perharps it is right..''the best STEAK anywhere!"..to be revealed when the food is served!

Oh, and I really think that the way they introduced the menu was special. Pushing a trolley to our tables and introducing what they serves with REAL pieces of beef, salmon, veg, etc before they present us the written menu. So they have verbal and visual kind of menu!

A lovely pic taken by a funny waiter who insisted that he wants to take the photo in certain ways, which is different from the normal waiter that obeys the guests accordingly.

me.

The huge bread was served to us. hahas...it has a yummy, lightly-fragrant layer of crust ;]

The appeitiser was Broiled Sea Scallops wrapped in Bacon w Apricot Sauce. Mixing the huge scallop with the fresh bacon and Apricot Sauce brings different layers of taste to the dish! Unpeel its taste layer by layers. ;]

The best dish came of coz, after the appeitiser! Despite being a non-beef eater, I have to have to say that that Porterhouse Steak is damn nice, especially so for the perfectly grilled parts. And that indicates...yes...i ate some of it. =x

And the Broiled Salmon in..hmm some sauce was not too bad too! Think the sauce went quite well w the salmon and it was finely grilled too!

But both the main courses were of a bit of a too large serving.

Squeezing the lemon! ;]

ANother super nice dessert!

Unlike our usual TCC's dark devotion which was already so nice, this is much much much better, way way above. The way the chocolate oozes out generously and the crispiness of the choc cake werent the usual kind...wow! Oh, and its served w haagen daz's vanilla ice-cream. (the king of diar.lolx)

Couple pic outside the bar

I do think that the waiters are damn funny..."Posing more poses than the ones taking the pic"

vampire

hmm?

Still think that v-day and anniversary falls abit on a wrong day this month when this guy is so busy and prob kinda stressed over work. Thanks for squeezing out the time for me yupps! But seriously, hahas, club wasnt and isnt above ____.

But yea, over the years, i sorta come to understand that V-day is not about gifts and DEFINITELY not flowers. hahas..think flowers is abit too old-fashioned...its like going for matchmaking. I cant helped laughing when i saw ppl carrying that esp the handheld kinds.

It's about being in love, being loved, enjoying the company of each other and knowing that someone is there for you whether you meet or not.

sweethearts
__________________________________________________________________

PHUTURE - 13 FEB 08

Hit Phuture with Jerica on Wed. My first time there.

Ladies in the mirror

In the ''starry-like' ladies

P-Phuture

Phuture was really fun! The dancers so much more vibrant, so many more better dancers. But what I observed is the proportion of guys to gals seems abit overwhelming uneven.

Immediately i sensed the difference when we were surrounded by a group of guys when we hit the dance floor. As if telling us, "no mercy" hahas.

Somehow or rather, I had guys telling me im underaged. Sth which i cannot understand why..

Our Apple Shooters

I think something is quite wrong with me. I dunnoe why when i was dancing,when i was observing others.. i kept thinking bout other hmm..solemn stuff.

Candy - one of the new friend

The process of socialisation came to my mind. Questions pop in my mind, which is damn damn weird!

Is socialisation based on the merit of chemistry, appearances, dancing or simply lust? Of coz, i know that im asking a stupid question in a place like club. But I just got that gut feel that some ppl just take on any people that approach them. Some people just got to show their worth by showing that they have the ability to attract and even to the extent of french kissing. omg* Yet i think that by trying to prove their worth, they become worthless.

And i just wonder why doesnt some gals love themselves more. To be held by the waist and dance and before you know it, his hands are on somewhere else and ur lips are on his. Isnt kisses supposed to be passionate, a connection between 2 souls? hahas, and the funny thing is someone can use hands gestures signalling us to go away when they kisses. It's just...amazing.

Are people trying to act decent when they are outside and then come to the stage of being wild and start doing what they normally dun do out of a club. .?

okae,i dunnoe but thats how club is, i think. hahas

degraded

1:09 AM

Labels: Anniversary, Club, ecstatic, Extravagance/Fine-Dining, Indelible memories, my love :), Reflections, Surreal, Sweet

doodled at Friday, February 15, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Solitary,Isolation

Sometimes I just wonder how much courage and bravery I have to go through the same trauma or obstacle twice, thrice or more. Will I still be susceptible to it or can I grace through it?
Its a wonder, its a question that's lingering in my head. Of course, this doesnt mean that I want the answer through experiencing nightmares again.

And I have come to accept that many of the times, we are forced by the circumstances to struggle things through. To not fall and still be able to continue with the subsequent journey of life. Given the same circumstances, whether you are being left alone or you had someone to rely on makes a huge difference of who I am as at now.

After a good 18 years of living on this planet as a worry-less lil gal, I finally discovered some of my weird temperaments. Unlike the norms who would ease into the comfort of their loved ones in times of agony, I would choose to drift away from the social circle. For I think the social circle or rather anyone out there except myself is like a social stage. The constant efforts to put up an act that all things are fine and to incessantly carry out a smile or simply typing a 'ha-ha' add to one's pain.

Perharps the need to act in front of others..strong at first look but weak on the inside. Its the weakling who doesnt even dare to reveal the flowing emotions. Remember my question of who is stronger? The one who cries or the one who grit it through w a smile. It seems like either way of arguing has a certain degree of convincing myself.

Even so, my choice is to delve in solitary and isolation. It's only in my own isolation that I wouldnt have the pain of a manicured smile. As much as solitude can sometimes encourage intrusive and scary bad thoughts, somehow it removes the burden of being in the social circle and the worries of mentioning that whatever particular topic. Maybe a bad sign. but...hhahas..thats just me. And its the time when i can let my emotions flow before I step out of isolation and grin at everyone again.

new discovery

12:18 am

Labels: Emo.., inner voices, Reflections

doodled at Sunday, January 20, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

DAY 4 - 8 JAN 08- THE END

We started Day 4 slowly, with a slow breakfast, back to hotel to do a final pack of our luggage and the sis and cousin took a nap for bout 1 hr while I laid on the bed thinking through the trip in that past 3 days.

Then my reflections and thoughts start to possess me again.

One of the last - Fried Seafood - A family of Fried Oyster

Seriously, Bangkok's food haven really made me yearn for more. Perharps I haven tried the right food and those roadside stalls didnt look appealing to me. (Even though I've heard that they're yummie!)

But I really love the Pineapple Rice which I tried on Day 1 and Birdnest on Day 2. ;]]] The nicest Pineapple Rice Ive eaten so far!

The sister's cute bell-boy

Feeling all kinds of mixed feelings to leave the place, to end the trip. From happy to relieved and even a lil sadness. The streets which feel its ever busy, densely occupied by roadside stalls and retails who strives hard to earn a living. And that living are merely insignificant bahts to us. We probably spend it without giving much thought. Guess thats what happens when you are so used to the expensive lifestyle.

But I have to admit that amongst the whistles of the 'traffic police', aggressive tuk tuk and taxi drivers, and all the others..the people in Bangkok were really nice. They tried to help us when we were in the blurs. Their efforts to greet us with grins and where possible, even in mandarin has sometimes made me felt at home (of course minus the pollution and weird accents)

He self-declared as our dad.

Another friendly dude

Shots on the cab - im evil*

Though several unhappy incidents happened during the trip but it didnt make my vacation less enjoyable! Since i forget unhappy incidents so easily!

From being a planner to a traveller, the photos I've seen online during my research and to be really standing right in front of it. Including myself and my fellow partners in the pictures. Im so glad that I did it! I didnt withdraw fr the task of planning just because of lack of experience. I prob wouldnt know why i didnt reject this mission. But yea, mission possible!

Step out.

Nevertheless, the belief of a-must to travel with people you can get along with and w the same interests is still of utmost importance! And goey, you are registered in my list!

Travelling..

a wonderful way to understand my friends better ;]]

Making decisions Together? *hmphs

Solving problems together.

Being more attentive to things around.

To take note of as much things as possible.

To take care of each other.

To accomodate each other when possible.

To set our own budget.

To be random.

To be entertaining.

To perk everyone up when they're tired..

;]]]]]

Accident soon

A victim

Spot the 'evil sis' trying to torture me with ur nonsense pillow thing.

Tiger's Boarding Pass

And im home.

indelible.

11:42 PM

Labels: Bangkok, Reflections, Spicy, Travel

doodled at Wednesday, January 16, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Monday, December 31, 2007

2007 - A YEAR OF TRANSITIONS

If you want me to summarise my 2007, I would say its overwhelmed w transitions. The second half of the year especially. So many things have happened. From academic, personal, family and relationships. All of them still living vividly in my mind.

No long reflections.

But I just want myself to remember the kind of struggles I had at some period of the year. The new perspectives I've gained. The overwhelming pain that I could still sorta feel when topics related is brought up.

A year that I have to grow up in a way different from others.
A year that I have to learn to manage my emotions.
A year that I cant let myself go weak in the mind and to constantly fight unhappiness and remain as optimistic as possible.
A year that I got jolted out of my simple lil world
A year I decide to go for my dreams,
A year I have to accept reality.
A year that I embraced an extraordinary relationship.

my mind whispered 'I dont wanna lose you yet'
as i laid in ur arms.

1:09 AM

Labels: Reflections, Sour

doodled at Monday, December 31, 2007 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Sunday, December 23, 2007

STAYING CONNECTED

Met up with the usual peeps for a dinner at Vil'age and Chills at Holland V's Eski Bar! We were busy cam-whoring away. Especially so for yx who shot all the way when we moved from Heeren to Wheelock.

It was nice catching up with the guys, though im feeling the culture differences a lil. Afterall, (maybe) thats where i used to be too. Hoping that they can complain a lil lesser and learn to enjoy the different kinds of things on this planet. But well...we are all different!

Oh and before the dinner, I caught Alvin and the Chipmunks w the couple! Other than the cute aspect of the movie, It brought me into thoughts of profiteering individuals and corporate. Cold-blooded creatures who disregard about the well-being the money-generating 'machines'. Money-making is tempting..but maybe we should pay attention to giving some warmth to ppl or any other creatures around us. Of course I know that saying it is easy. But doing it..to resist lucrative businesses around..is not easy.

A short post w losta pics ;p