I kinda swam it off just now. The water just felt like a piece of jelly just now where each stroke of mine just cant seem to push me forward. Guess that's what happen when you feel heavy in the mind.


That call from the clinic, supposedly as a reminder for me puts me off. I don't really wanna get acquainted to it anymore. The gloom it has with it. But I have to admit...it is psychological.


My mind was brought back and forth to scenes that I've shut them off. Over the months, I managed to cross the barrier of just standing at the counter. But now? I was told it is a must to enter the room if I wanna continue with them - those daily dosages..


And I cant childishly think that it's the place that's scary. I have to clearly attribute it as my own emotional factor. It's said that when emotions are involved, logical reasonings are gonna be hard to get across to one. But here I am, I want myself to accept things in the positive light and to embrace what is no longer there anymore, realistically. I cant get bothered with these once in every while. Thoughts are processed in 2 ways basically, one after the other. I can have those thoughts and 'memories' jumping at me rampantly, in an automatic way. But controlled processing allows me to control where and how these thoughts are gonna evolved to - for the better or for the worse.


And another fretting issue is the sudden and unexpected sum of money to pay. Well, maybe 200+ is not alot but as a student who already has the different kinds of financial commitment every month.. it's seriously infuriating that this has to appear that sudden, coz it's soo out of any of my planned expenditure.


I dont think it's gonna be very right, very matured to say that "I hate that place". Afterall, "that place" does nothing to you. The root of it? It's your own actions and if I say that I hate that place, that would mean that I cant accept my own past. Sighs. But still, it's a lil scary. Maybe just that lil. And I just almost felt like crying just now. But whats the point? In the first place, there's nothing wrong, right?

6:03PM