Late nights again.. and i cant sleep ;(... seems to be heavy on tots again. Amongst all the other shit things i've to do.

Why is it that its always during late night when everything is motionless and resting that thoughts run especially far and ..wild?

Goey was right..as we age, we tend to think 'bout things that we don't in the past. Things which seems to be unnecessary yet expedient. Somehow it adds meaning to our life more than ever.

The phrase this sista gave me "have u ever lost someone u love n wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time u thought they wld be here forever? If so, then u know u can go ur whole life collecting days, n none will outweigh the one u wish u had back" a few weeks ago..i bear it in mind.

People I talked to, I met, I observed crossed my mind.

Yet sometimes and mostly recently the line between friends and acquaintances became clearer than the past. Few can really cross the line of being an acquaintance. As it is, as much as you think you are friends, its discouraging to find that..actually you were just accquaintances. Discouraging because its upsetting that its an social illusion again ;( Seems like i had quite enough of such illusory friendships. People behave too differently in different settings. People interact for self-benefits.

I asked myself, is there a need to make such a distinction? My answer? Yes, I need to. I would rather use words like coursemates for the sake of sounding better. If i need to take extra efforts to remember a person's name and don't communicate beyond school's crap, dont understand each other or even merely remember the most superficial appearance..i don't see why he/she is a friend to be.

Maybe its an emotional barrier to step across and to bare your hearts and stories to someone. The conflict is then how sure am i that this is not another acquaintance who would take your story away with no value. Thats why old friends and good friends have elevated themselves in my importance list. I dun wanna lost any..any......it take years of foundation.

With them, i can be so sure that I'll still be so connected even if we don't speak for months. I guesss thats the different between true, good friends and acquaintances. It must be.




An invisible rope?

Labels: Friendship, inner voices

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