He was helpless.
The magic in his life has shattered in the most disarraying way like it puzzled me now. Who would have thought that there could be tragic in magic too?
To (have to)be fearless of the feared. To be wishful only in his own fantasies, for the slightest mercy. He pleaded in ways that nobody does. He lived with the only hopes to survive, for a better day ahead. A day with a meal is deemed as a good day to him. He had it in all ways - the corners, the mirrors, the knocks, the hits, the screams and the chores. A day with his mum dead silent on the couch is a relief to him. What happened to the angelic nature of hers? She wasn't who she used to be. It was scary; to be accepting and having to defend an angel transforming into a devil.
He is a victim yet I noted and warned that he is a kin too.
My sympathy went all way out as the images through the words flashed.
From holding hands to tears.
From blue and orange streaks across the skies to the dullest grey that one could have.
From a good boy to a 'bad boy'.
Should I wish that he had nothing to start with or to live in extreme reminsce of the past in the present? Which would be more cruel? Cruelity exerts itself in two ways. To take the best of what you ever have away or to let you never have.
The broken clock is a comfort
Labels: Books, Emo.., inner voices
"Stead" - One of the words that I caught from the couple who was gossiping 'bout their friends behind me. It reminds me how I thought this word was. To be describing two persons being in love and in an official relationship. No matter how I look at it...it never seems very apt.
Without looking at them, a stereotypical image floated across my mind. Perhaps one of those still in secondary school...perhaps the "hooligans" in school.
With that scenario aside, the importance of language spoken especially has been reiterated. I gladly admit that how one's culture, environment, and exposure have groomed or rather educated one to be relatively proficient in one language. With a combination of these factors, one can almost readily make a safe guess on the social status of a person. Even though we always say not to judge a book by its cover..but personally I think it's a safe gauge of the most basic status and background of one.
Like how 'Chinky-ness' has been coined upon me at the moment of utterance, different impressions are formed when one speak. Especially so, I'm talking about English. It dawned upon me that no matter how much effort u put into your most outer appearance...the 'beautiful moments' would be more than spoilt the moment you speak.
In other cases, good language can have you get away more so than someone who uses a crude one. ...given the same issue. With a different lanaguage used, the impression people have on you can (almost) flip
And we all know..good language allows one to progress MORE easily.
Enough being said..since im not in a fantastic position to talk bout language..but it jolly well serves a good reminder to me to constantly put in effort to rectify the wrongs of my language and to learn, learn and learn. I wouldn't blame anyone when they correct me..sometimes I thank them for it....despite the fact that yes..it is quite awkward at times....
Fate loves to make fun of people.
Labels: inner voices, Reflections
The "responsibility" of sisters seems to be to provide fashion sense to each other as well. *hmphs. I was dragged or you can call it being invited to help this little gal to find a suitable pair of elegant-enough heels for her D&D. We spent about 3 hours in Far East and I found myself looking downwards more so than at the horizontal eye-level. And the final decision is Believe from Guess. And for myself, I had a hard time resisting the temptations of all the pretty heels, sandals, earrings and even necklaces. But..I've won the batte! :D
Like a form of art, Missing Someone and/or something is as abstract. For the past few weeks or probably month, I gave thought to this piece of mental art. A artpiece that is installed in oneself towards the very specific.
To put it in a simpler form, it's made up of emotions. Purely emotions of urge, yearn, and perharps attached with a tinge of sadness and hopes in it. Like an incoherent blend of the positive and negative emotions. But pondering over it made me take the stand of it being more than being a mixture of complex emotions. Precisely.. it's a mixture of emotions, all the more made it an abstract art to be explained. And an art because there's no fixed ways of how you feel, no fixed ways of expressing, no fixed way of doing it, no fixed mixture of emotions.. and nothing is very fixed.
A very simple question has been questioning myself for these time. "So why then do we miss only some people and not everyone that we came across or rather..why is the extent of missing someone different?" To date, I have no better answer other than because you feel more for one than the other. But how convincing is this? I often wonder if missing someone is solely a psychologicial hypnotisation; you miss someone because the inner self has been voicing the emotional attachment you have to one and through this constant effort..it ripples a missing effect.
Or could it be the possessing of one-thing and the sudden loss of it have brought about poor adaptation and hence missing?
I asked myself alot of simple sounding questions but hard-to-answer questions. Questions which yield open-ended answer; with no faithfully right answers.
Missing..expressed in different forms. We all have the freedom to expressing this art. And perharps like Art..each time you look at it...you understand it better or even in another perspective. Missing comes in some kind of a cycle too. When you think about it at different time...it peaks at different time and subsides with understanding and acceptance.
I dunnoe how else i can explain this piece of art...but i think it is. Its quite a weird thing i say.
It's made up of different colours.
It's made up of different shades.
It's made up of different images.
It's made up of different emotions.
It's made up of different..........................................
My eyes i'm screaming for a sight of you
10:59 PM
Labels: inner voices
Night time has been inviting coughs and bitter sore throat for the past three nights. And since yesterday night... the cough is like getting worst, making me sound like a terminal illness patient.
Disrupting the peacefulness and beauty of the night with noisy hoarse deep coughs.
And just a moment ago..a sweet little gal poured a cup of warm water, holding it with her 2 kid-like size hands and placed it on my desk..thrown me a smile of hers and left my room. Such a sweet act. Soon after, she dropped two Vicks Lozenges by the side of my laptop.
And another gal came into the room with cough syrup in her hands... I rejected it just now. But now...with second thoughts...I think I better have it in a while....dont want another sleepless night..
And just the day before, Mum bought me a bottle of herbal tea the moment she knows that im unwell OVER THE PHONE. Yes..she asked me to drink herbal tea...but I thought she was asking me to buy it myself..
:D Thank you Sweet People!
This footloose fancy, free stuff overrated
Until now, I'm having the aches on my arms and legs from yesterday's activties. I have no idea whether it's from the gym or from the hours of dancing.
Just before I stepped out of the house, I received Jerica's msg asking me to be in club-suitable way just in case we have to succumb to temptations. Indeed, even before we left the house, I guessed..we would really go. Sometimes it's really hard to resist SUCH temptations especially during holidays AND free-time.
Shopping was great. A wonderful achievement for myself coz I bought nothing. An absolute nothing. But still, we went around the boutiques enjoying the wow-ness by the branded :( ..And I think the both of us agreed, just like any other things, once you're up the ladder...you'll be very reluctant to go down again.
My Own Obsession first.
GlowingOh yes...to ensure that we can get in...we have already reached there by 930pm. And the queue was already so long..snaking past the valvet car park. We thought we wouldnt have a chance to get in. And now I know why reaching at 11+ is a almost-sure-no-chance to get in. Oh the night's music got quite sucky at times...Jerica and I stoned for a while when they played trance and techno. Oh my goodness~
And everytime during club... I'm so entertained by people's pick-up. I have to admit that they are damn irritating coz they make you have to change your dance spots constantly. But the way they pick-up...comes in all sorta ways besides the usual bored ones. Like this guy that told me," No, I dont pick-up in club"..so i replied "and what are you doing now?" It's so bad that i turned violent for the night..elbowing guys away. I thought it was kinda rude, but since words dont work..
And ther's other funny stuff today...would be endless to summarise em here.. *hahas.
Good Girl Still A Good Girl!
you should be proud of me :)
6:48 PM
Labels: Club, Friendship
Labels: my love :)
Happy 10 Months! :)Labels: Anniversary, my love :)
That's a kind word in this case, and I have been trying to be kind.
With regards to one's personality, any sensible person would know that there is a need to understand deeper via interactions before sentencing him or her to a certain category.
To date, I have been trying to look at things in the positive light. The key is to ACT that im ignornant; to act dumb. Some people really leave me damn confused with the thoughts of which is the dominating side or rather the real personality..
And I havent been able to deal with certain situations. Somehow even if I tried to pretend I could..it still leaves a little of a shadow behind before my bed-time that day. Perharps it's the simplest emotion thats acting itself.. "Disgusted"
But it was a blessing for cheeky to be there for me, even though it's for a very short while, on very virtual visual, textual form...it was comforting enough. Amazing yea? :)
miss you..
Labels: inner voices
Waiting is never difficult. It is difficult only when what you have waited for didnt appear..
Attributing the cause to all the external factors such as a lack of fate; the arrangement of life; the joke(s) in life. And we took turns to receive the disappointment, took turns to self-console, took turns to be understanding.
At the end of the day, such waiting(s) are just a bonafide sample of yearning and love. You can't really deny it even though at times getting used to it essentially made urself lose faith in yourself. But so much things that happened just proved urself wrong, so wrong. That in the moment, in these moments.. only he count.
You're my chocolate..
Labels: inner voices, my love :)
And yupps, my honour to attend this commencement ceremony. It wasn't as boring as I thought It would have been. Watching the switching of names and faces on the big screen itself seriously made me felt the gift of such a joyous event. Of course, It brought me into the dreams of my very own commencement years later. It was glorious...from the moment that National Anthem was played to the very moment when all the colourful balloons landed on the squared-hats Graduates. And I was just telling my sis how much I anticipate for my turn to come and she was somewhat envious coz she knows that no matter what..she will never have such moments, even if she got a private degree. BUt we all know..it's too late to regret now. Way too late.
Love this shot. Kinda artistic!And attending this ceremony has made me realised that gals should wear long pants with the Graduation robe...to make the outfit looks complete. Showing the naked legs is just wrong, if you wanna apply some fashion sense into Grad. Robes as well. And high five to Beng who agreed with me. The two of us were practically standing outside criticising people's attire and/or grooming.
Some(Most) of the shots with Graduate Ze.
Realised that I stole Ze's Square hat?...which was too big for me. And he was surprised..HMPHs. ;p
And lucky man got a personal photographer w him today.. :) Alrights..shall leave the rest of the blogging to the graduate himself since it's his day.... :) 
And the balloon the Beng made me hold all the way to Vivo.. and Ze let it flew away.. -.-''
Good-looking and vain graduate, with anti-photos Beng out of the picture..
After the whole ceremony and cam-whoring...we headed to Vivo's Bosses with Beng. And Koon gave both of them a treat..since I owe Ze one and adding Beng only have a few dollars difference.. In return, Beng gave the two of us a treat at Pacific Coffee Company...and we had it outdoors... LOVE the feeling of chilling under the sunny sun and breeze (after it rained). And I enjoyed talking to sophiscated people even though my mind gets twisted, and sometimes eventually I got lost.... but it's such complexity that makes me think and learn. And I applauded the for the charisma of such complexity and the coolness in it. If any, I look forward to another session of this, when I'm armed with questions and questions again.. :)
During my walk from Kovan back home, I tried recalling the 5hours or more conversation with Beng and Ze..(even though I felt that I was the interviewer with endless curiosity), to recall things they said..even though mostly were said by Beng. I'm so glad that I have THESE culture shock since a year ago coz it's what made me grow and embrace better and more things.
oh,hmphss...it's gonna be the first dance lesson with the new teacher tml.......shall see.
Labels: Friendship, happy, Uni-
I have planned to take Mum out since long ago when I was still working...Perharps...one and a half month ago. Coz I know, on her own..she cant bear to spend.
As planned, we headed to Orchard for some shopping and fine dining(in her terms).... Perharps the scrimping nature just strives in her that even a pair of shoe for 29.90 is considered expensive to her, a top for 29.90 is considered expensive to her.... It seems that my effort to bring her out to shop is a little failure, especially so whenever I see her putting the items back after looking at the price tag. But well, at least I got her a Espirit top, really hope Mummy likes it.
I took her to Crystal Jade La Mian Xiao Long Bao coz I thought the food there was nice and suitable for her Oriental tastebuds..So glad that she likes the food...*mummy is a lil glutton*..hees.
All that she could have :)And over brunch (or, thats our dinner as well)..She poured out some things on her mind.. I was a listener..listening patiently to her stories which are mainly of work and elder sis... One thing for sure...ther's never a day she stopped complaining about sis. That's why sometimes I'm so pissed with her for making Mum so exasperated..
And while shopping, I spotted these 2 pairs of heels that I UTTERLY love by Guess Marciano. UNFORTUNATELY, the price tag clearly stated an extremely high price with the first pair at SGD 419 and second pair at SGD 179. *sighs. I'm getting into the fetish of heels and shoes again. So hope that these nice shoes will cost a lil cheaper..
Apparently without self-discipline, I bought myself yet ANOTHER sneakers for dance.. eeks. Koon is getting out of control..
And yes, I cant keep my mind off this vest. For the comfort and design...I bought it even though it's quite expensive...BUt i really love it!
On a sidenote, I realised that both Mum and I are advocates of FREEDOM when it comes to relationship. It's something that I don't know until today. She recalled the dating story with Dad where she or they dont even ask each other where they are going, which means NO reporting. And surprisingly, she commented that yin is not giving Junwen enough freedom. I'm real surprised by that.. Perharps it's inheritance from her that I'm crazy bout freedom.
Then again, with too much of such self freedom..my money is flowing at the fastest rate possible..
And well, my plan of not letting her pay a single cent today was to let her enjoy herself to the fullest.. Hopefully it did help her de-stress..even though I ended up shopping much much more for myself..
I think I really have to hide at home
Labels: Family, Retail Therapy
I HAVE this wish.
But I have to admit what could be better than that? Having to spend one of those most meaningful days with someone you love. To frame up the almost impossible memories in the perfect frame. Then again, it's never impossible.
I asked myself..."Do you think you can do it?"
The inner voices did echoed a "YES, I think I can!"
But when all other factors come in, then it seems like I have to give up the perfect frame.
I imagined myself to be standing in the middle of utter unfamiliarity..only to retract that and tell myself.."Well, it's just an imagination"
And do you know that imagination makes people excited? Or maybe..it's just me.
Hahas, but visual encounters gave a slap on the face of my imagination and impulse.
The same old plans
Labels: inner voices, my love :)
And the gift from Buddy at the way from laos.. is a Beerlao t-shirt..asking me to go and sell beer in that shirt. HMPHS. Nevertheless..thanks for the souvenir..
And yes! Self-obsession again. Forever top in my list of hobbies especially especially so when im free!
Okae, I better get started.
Ther's no meaning to the meaningful
4:01 PM
Labels: Friendship
Ash, RainieIt was a pleasure to meet xuegao laoshi who taught Jay, Jolin, Ah Du, JJ Etc dance........the whole party was mind-blowing..
Now that im over the amazement..it's time to record em!
Dance by all dance teacher... AWWWW.*must watch
Dance by the performing crew of music forest
Dance by my new teacher..a lil disappointing. Apparently Xiao Ke dances BETTER
Dance by 'Xiao Rain' His nickname...
Specially requested by me! hahas..dance solo by dance director..*must watch
Dance by ASH. AWW. *must watch!
Rainie, Xiao Ke, koon
all so amazing..
6:40 PM
Camp has ended a few days ago! While the few of us struggled real hard to continue the legacy of group 2 (I believe we did our best), we have to admit that not having enough freshies is surely gonna be a disaster say next year.
Over the days, conflicts happened. Some of us cried over the conflict and I cried during fright night, for a while. Some of us took the quiet role while some voiced out. But in the end, we were still considered a happy group 2, winning the BEST OG for the year. But well, it's not vela but the merger group Vion.
This entry has given me a big headache..dunnoe what to say for the past 5 days....some photos..
:: Mysterious Journey ::
The station IC at Food Gore. It was boring being a station IC!
The view from our station..
A pic with KC and AKC on Day Two
The hamburger game and human pictionary...they were all amazing. And it's even more amazing for Kangwen to guess almost all correctly. Is it right to say that RJ students have some kinda sixth sense?:: Fright Night ::
Alright, this year's fright night...I have to be a ghost..asking the freshies to retrieve my eyeball from the urn for me. Of coz funny things happened...like they passed me the urn etc.
To say this again, im not a welfare ghost..it's just simply dangerous.
Look at how eerie this place is..but after entering for more than 20 times...ther's nothing to be afraid of anymore in this little dark sauna room. THis place certainly gave my back a good training..to walk back and forth bending. As usual..i did knock myself against those wooden planks for multiple times..
The ghosts done with make-up.Fortunately face paints are not as bad as I tot... and being a ghost is real hard. I rather be a freshie being scared...it's so much easier..
Some funny shots throughout the camp:: SP Night ::
Apparently without sufficient sleep makes my eye grows smaller and smaller. In all pics..I look exactly like my eyes have shrunk half the size.
hahas, the big pic looks like as if I have been on the high clubbing.. ;p
THE LAST.Labels: Uni-
In her Conscious
Artist: Ash.K
Recent babyy doodles
.Migration
Sweet Treats: Cheeky Chocolates's chocolates
.when you move on too quickly..
.Wonderful Times Again
Threesome: Shop & Hard Rock Cafe
.Other side of the story
.Sudden Retracts
.Absolute Isolation: Meritus Mandarin
.My Weakest
.1 Year or 1 Month?
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