SUDDEN URGE


hahas , got this STRONG urge to change my blog skin. :p and there it goes!
awww, better get back to my studies.

hahas. i was totally engrossed in changing the blog skin when i have more urgent stuff to attend to, for what..i dunnoe.
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A phrase that touches my soul today:


For how many times when you do something wrong (to the extent that it's a sin), you cry. Even though you know its ur own fault, supposedly you should have no right to tear, to be unhappy , to feel agonised . You caused your own troubles and thus agony. Yet, we cant help it but resort to these modes of letting it out. Tears are a form for relief, readily available it seems. Then again, tears are only momentary relief. Tantrums are what comes with or after tearing. And torment can be of a lifetime. The torment of guilt, shuffle between denial and acceptance, traumas, occassional arousal, acting ignorance and denying ur own rights to tear. Denying because you deserve it~

Labels: Bitter, Emo.., inner voices

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The process of Changing is always taking place, you should know its nothing new.

Whats new is THE CHANGE. Yes, we change in different ways each time we hit a new checkpoint. For better or for the worst. That is subjective. Ther's no absolute right or wrong. Just like i cannot understand how you people changed to become what you are today, not everyone can understand what creates the change in me and for sure, not everyone can come to a consensus that they like the change or say for sure, the change is good.

I cant understand their world. Neither could they understand my world. We're just different. We have to admit that. I'm exposed to much more kind of things than you guys, even though still an ultra narrow scope. I really hope to increase the exposure I can have, experiences to remember and skills to learn and master so what if its basic. And you cant expect one who is expose to more things as u grow to remain at the same state and not change. This wouldnt make sense then. Then it would render what you have gone through as probably...useless.

You cant expect me to behave in ways that u all think is fine. In the name of one FAMILY, it doesnt mean that i have to adopt ur dogma(s). The conservative, boring,unexplored, non-flexible, practical and most of the times illogical beliefs. Spare me from those UNLESS y0u can paint it off with a proper argument and not just give me a heading - 'CHANGE' and leave me off with finishing the argument myself. But being able to give me an argument aint a gd reason enough for me to follow. We cant change in the same way absolutely. In that case, we might as well have just one name. Thats one person, not three, not five.

I know im changing. At the age of 19, still learning and absorbing everything or as much as i can thats around me..i would be reluctant to remain unchange...I'll never hope that the change become stagnant. For all u know, a bad change may be appreciated by someone out there who shares the same sentiments.

Even if the change is really wrong, i'll learn from it. You can only really understand if it's wrong after u have tried and gone through it. For all you know, living by itself is already wrong. How would you know if something is really wrong? Its just like...how do you know that you are not dreaming now? Ur life..may just be a dream afterall. How do you know that you are not mad now? You could be considered as mad nw..in another world by another person. At the end of the day, nothing is labelled as a definite thing. All we have are opinions, maybe illusions. Illusions that lie at the bottom of the mind, deep inside. How sure are u..?

If you wanna convince that one has changed. Tell me 'in what way'. Dont throw the word 'change' to me and leave me to figure out on my own. Especially when I know ive changed but in what way its negative? Coz, to me ..they're not. Even if its is...its not negative to the extent that its morally wrong and must bear criticisms. And unless u're better than me to be in the right position to spot the 'wrong' change and criticise it, if not..hahas.



I would love to love my life now. Don't stain it.

I would still wanna say I love my family, my sisters but why do I feel that at the end of the day..its still urself. You can only depend on yourself, no one else. Probably not even family. Biological ties cant be dependable totally too. Anyone else can seem to understand but it's you who is feeling the sadness etc. When understanding without emotions is.........just understanding. But u're the one who's gg through it.



Once again, im laykoon. Not Peijin. Not Layyin.


My changes in ur world are disastrous.
Your(Their) beliefs in my world are illogical.

Labels: Bitter, Emo.., inner voices

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THE RELUCTANT MIND


its soo cold tonight.

i was so reluctant to get out of the warm bath just now. Staying under the warm water made me felt better. Showered with warmth, I didnt want the water to stop flowing on me as dryness would mean a cold gush of wind will go by and i will feel it.

Deep inside the heart, probably the same thing is being felt. Just wanna stay to let this warmth sprinkle. Even if its a lil, it still beats the cold wind that would gush by when the warmth stop flowing.

but i still know, we still have to stop the bath and get out of it and face it. The coldness still have to be felt, sooner or later.

Just put on the clothes and find a different kind of warmth, though it might not be as ideal. Ther's no such thing as staying in your own comfort zone forever.





don't be afraid. head forward for anything that is to come.

Labels: Bitter, Emo.., inner voices

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And coz its Tuesday, we went indulging at the half-price waffles at GELARE! Its has been so long since I've been ther with him. :)

WE had CHERRY EXPLOSION ice-cream on it.

And then the day ended with a crabby dinner that my mum cooked and a game of LIFE, a board game we bought at Popular!

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Wednesday, 27 June, 2007

Got a haircut in the morning and went KBOX in the afternoon. At night, we played the game of LIFE again at my house, with POh HUP! **surprised* So paiseh when wayne asked me to msg him and see if He's ok to come.

us.

Labels: Bitter, Dine, Emo.., Friendship, happy food., Past Relationship

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UN-KNOWN SADNESS


Sadness crawls in usually at the night, before I sleep. So weird. I can't sleep and cant help thinking bout so many things!



I have finally decided to embark on a trip to Hong Kong! But my parents said..NO!...arghs! I'm so upset. WEnt for a swim to cool myself down. It really works! ^^ its really lovely to look at small kids swimming. Its just like guppies...so cute! Unfortunately I din swim for long coz ther's a group of teenagers...splitting water at each other. Just feel so disgusting to swim in their saliva.




Mars for smile too ;)

Labels: Bitter, Emo..

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