DEPRESSING STORIES FLOATING AROUND


5 out of 6 of exams are cleared for me!!! Im floating on clouds now...so happy. Had been experiencing the post-exams happiness in cycle for years.. The relief..the urge to let out a scream..yes...a scream again! I think i really wanna scream. hahas. I can finally have a good rest tonight at least for TONIGHT, until i fret for General Bio again!

But while im relishing this night where I don't have to bury my head into books and notes..I'm hearing cries from the next room. And i've just heard another depressing 'news' of a couple ending their story. Yes, the closing of another book.

This cry seems to be crying for a man who has totally disappoint her..again and again. Crying because she believe and now she believe that no man on this Earth is good, forming this senseless stereotype in her mind. Cry because she has given up, because she lacks the strength to seek for love now.

If any love story on this planet is recorded in the form of a beautiul story-book, would one take the efforts to flip through and read the beginning and the process than just look at the ending? The ending itself isnt a very fair judge. Its not fair to forget the whole relationship, forget how beautiful and sweet this love once was just by looking at the ending. Ending can be depressing but lets not forget the wonderful memories created together, afterall they are ur own memories and experiences as well. Instead of letting hatred and anger take over, why not let other positive emotions take the lead?



There is still L-O-V-E
May the lady recover from her sadness.

Labels: Family, inner voices

---

PRE-EXAM STRESS


Gotto scream this off my chest! SOmewhere...and i guess no choice..I have to do it here!

"ARRRRRRRR!"

Before the exam 'spree' starts tml..getting sOOOO worried for Changing Landscapes now. Worries popping into my mind again and again..

ZZzzZZzz~


PRay hard man!



Good Luck to all folks!

Labels: Uni-

---

FANTASIES



Just a couple of days ago, I was sitting under the bus-stop waiting for my bus to come when the skies became grey. Clouds were blown from the darker side of the sky to the side that was still bright and less cloudy. The clouds floated across swiftly and the wind howled past my body..Playing along in the scene was the dancing leaves and the swaying branches of the trees. Even the leaves on the ground started to go against gravity and flew up, left, right, in all directions. Indeed, the breeze was fierce but relaxing enough for me.


Naturally, my eyes shutted to just feel..feel the breeze, nerve-calming waves..


And it brought out the lil' fantasies in my mind. Its how weird that such simple stimulus can evoke these hidden crap in me..


Fantasy ONE: Go for speeding spins late at night with empty roads in a convertable..standing high up and scream it off!! Beautifully complement with soothing love songs or beats heavy hiphop, R&b! (too bad..there can hardly be real empty roadS)


Fantasy TWO: Spins in the evening while the sun is about to set. Enjoy the colourful layered skies before it sets into calmness of the night.. (Sad thing is...evening roads are always busy, not really quiet enough for one to enjoy such beauty quietly.)


Fantasy THREE: To walk in the rain with great songs. And then run with the rhythmic raindrops. ( but it seems that its a lil hard to have songs played during a rainy day,especially those high quality stereo-kinds and to have it mobile is even tougher.)


Fantasy FOUR: To stand on top of a mountain with quiet moments before screaming it off on top of ur lungs! Oh can one actually dance on a mountain? Sounds like madness. hahas. (And I wonder if standing at the peak of a mountain while its raining...will I get struck? lol)





hahas..fantasies that can easily pull me off from reality especially on a rainy day (when the wind blows and u feel really relaxed!) plus stressful anti-social periods. I(We) see words, papers and pens everyday now.


Nevertheless, when my bus comes....Im back to reality again!
No more fantasies..or daydreaming... Leaving those fantasies at the back of the mind again!






You can dream, dream all you want. Ther's no limit to that.

10:54 PM

Labels: Surreal

---

14 Nov 07 - ANOTHER DAY CARVED




My very first visit to Black Angus,the One-Fullerton branch on this special day on my calender. ^^ Always spotted this chain of resturants/cafe-s from the Esplanade Bridge but have never really tried looking in or dining in to find out whats nice there.

Although its at the side of riverfront, we're seated inside on the cosy sofas and ..with the warm orangey lights to reinforce the night's love and warmth~ :]]

Other patrons were mainly..working adults (i assume so since they are all dressed in the corporate wear).

Addicted Smokers. Yea.

Look so sick huhs. hahas. Lesson learnt: If you wanna know how well the ribs are cooked...SMOKE the RIBS. hahas. And the verdict? *THUMBS UP*

Labels: Anniversary, ecstatic, Extravagance/Fine-Dining, Indelible memories, my love :), Sweet

---

LATE NIGHT


Lights off. Slience. Sleeping Humans.
Lamp posts shine. Roads as good as empty.
Stars out in the open playing.
Calmness in the darkness.

Rest mode it seems.


Lights on.
Constant flow of contents, expectations.
Stars, my best friend.
Turbulence in the mind. Voices continue.
Fear, it remains.

And the war continues.




i believe writing is therapeutic
even if its crap

Labels: inner voices

---

The plainest, The Simplest

Too cool. (Scary? nah!)

If anyone ask me again, i would still say its really magical. The wonders that makes it work. The unexplanable. The emotions. The joy. Exactly how.. Amongst all the huge differences that are supposed to leave us furthest apart than anyone else but still it works, it happened.

Everything is great now! *huge idiot grins* ;p

Yummy Cream Cheese Hotate! i loVE it!

Hotel-like mirror

then at Ikea.. hahas. I need a full-length mirror badly. Oh yea. and red furnitures are nice! I still think black, red and white makes a great combi. hahas.

Gaming of metal slug replays my childhood it seems..hahas.amazing i can still sorta remember the sequence of the game, with appropriate cues available, of course. hahas.

This then leads me to think am I balancing my life well? Why are some people so busy? Overloading themselves with loads of work. Its true that there is no real 'balance meter' in this world. And balancing itself is a very subjective issue here for it depends on an individual's priorities. So then the thing is ..with priorities in life..there probably cant be a true balance especially in terms of time spent. Perharps then balancing is measured by ..getting a relatively equal sense of satisfaction, joy and sometimes committment for life, along with priorities. How accurate is that? We don't see the balance, we feel it.

For me, the 'balance meter' is still working,i guess. Well or not?...hmm..thats v hard to answer. hahas.

''Being able to not do very much..but yet still be very happy................says alot''

8:32 PM

Labels: Friendship, my love :), Reflections, Sweet

---

SUDDEN URGE


hahas , got this STRONG urge to change my blog skin. :p and there it goes!
awww, better get back to my studies.

hahas. i was totally engrossed in changing the blog skin when i have more urgent stuff to attend to, for what..i dunnoe.
____

A phrase that touches my soul today:


For how many times when you do something wrong (to the extent that it's a sin), you cry. Even though you know its ur own fault, supposedly you should have no right to tear, to be unhappy , to feel agonised . You caused your own troubles and thus agony. Yet, we cant help it but resort to these modes of letting it out. Tears are a form for relief, readily available it seems. Then again, tears are only momentary relief. Tantrums are what comes with or after tearing. And torment can be of a lifetime. The torment of guilt, shuffle between denial and acceptance, traumas, occassional arousal, acting ignorance and denying ur own rights to tear. Denying because you deserve it~

Labels: Bitter, Emo.., inner voices

---

:[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[


The process of Changing is always taking place, you should know its nothing new.

Whats new is THE CHANGE. Yes, we change in different ways each time we hit a new checkpoint. For better or for the worst. That is subjective. Ther's no absolute right or wrong. Just like i cannot understand how you people changed to become what you are today, not everyone can understand what creates the change in me and for sure, not everyone can come to a consensus that they like the change or say for sure, the change is good.

I cant understand their world. Neither could they understand my world. We're just different. We have to admit that. I'm exposed to much more kind of things than you guys, even though still an ultra narrow scope. I really hope to increase the exposure I can have, experiences to remember and skills to learn and master so what if its basic. And you cant expect one who is expose to more things as u grow to remain at the same state and not change. This wouldnt make sense then. Then it would render what you have gone through as probably...useless.

You cant expect me to behave in ways that u all think is fine. In the name of one FAMILY, it doesnt mean that i have to adopt ur dogma(s). The conservative, boring,unexplored, non-flexible, practical and most of the times illogical beliefs. Spare me from those UNLESS y0u can paint it off with a proper argument and not just give me a heading - 'CHANGE' and leave me off with finishing the argument myself. But being able to give me an argument aint a gd reason enough for me to follow. We cant change in the same way absolutely. In that case, we might as well have just one name. Thats one person, not three, not five.

I know im changing. At the age of 19, still learning and absorbing everything or as much as i can thats around me..i would be reluctant to remain unchange...I'll never hope that the change become stagnant. For all u know, a bad change may be appreciated by someone out there who shares the same sentiments.

Even if the change is really wrong, i'll learn from it. You can only really understand if it's wrong after u have tried and gone through it. For all you know, living by itself is already wrong. How would you know if something is really wrong? Its just like...how do you know that you are not dreaming now? Ur life..may just be a dream afterall. How do you know that you are not mad now? You could be considered as mad nw..in another world by another person. At the end of the day, nothing is labelled as a definite thing. All we have are opinions, maybe illusions. Illusions that lie at the bottom of the mind, deep inside. How sure are u..?

If you wanna convince that one has changed. Tell me 'in what way'. Dont throw the word 'change' to me and leave me to figure out on my own. Especially when I know ive changed but in what way its negative? Coz, to me ..they're not. Even if its is...its not negative to the extent that its morally wrong and must bear criticisms. And unless u're better than me to be in the right position to spot the 'wrong' change and criticise it, if not..hahas.



I would love to love my life now. Don't stain it.

I would still wanna say I love my family, my sisters but why do I feel that at the end of the day..its still urself. You can only depend on yourself, no one else. Probably not even family. Biological ties cant be dependable totally too. Anyone else can seem to understand but it's you who is feeling the sadness etc. When understanding without emotions is.........just understanding. But u're the one who's gg through it.



Once again, im laykoon. Not Peijin. Not Layyin.


My changes in ur world are disastrous.
Your(Their) beliefs in my world are illogical.

Labels: Bitter, Emo.., inner voices

---