Complexity in Simplicity

Thursday, October 09, 2008

.Migration

For the better or for the worst,

problems w blogger

and hopefully this would be better

OFFICIALLY MIGRATED TO:

http://ddoodles.wordpress.com/

which is still under mild construction.

CHANGE UR LINK YUPPS :D

doodled at Thursday, October 09, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Sweet Treats: Cheeky Chocolates's chocolates

Life gets so sweet when a friend, a very selfless, always bring good things for us.

This dance friend of mine, Catherine, always brings us good treats.

And these chocolates were bought to support her friend...and they were pretty good :D

Of the six she gave me out of the many other flavours out there, 'The Happy Hazelnut" is definitely lovely..with a semi-hard or semi-melted outer layer, a creamy inside filled with rich Hazelnut..

And her so called 'nipple-like' chocolates (hahas)..definitely gave me a surprise. It looked plain simple on the outside yet the mix of taste was a tinge of mint, orange? And? hees, try it and u'll know. And that is called CHEEKY CHOCOLATE. hehs. It's full of surprise, just like cheeky.

"Lust for Milk" was less of a surprise but still a rich milky choc~

"Dark and Sexy"..Oh yea..it was really a dark ball of chocolate sprinkled with chocolate powder. Not exactly as sexy though..hahas. wished for it to be alil more bitter and distinct..

Passionate Raspberry was really sweet, together with it's white-outer milk choc? But feels kinda juicy and novel.

"Bored Lemon" didnt really come in the way I thought it will; No flowing lemon juice..hahas. Doesnt really wake you up as it promised. A very subtle lemony taste.

One interesting thing is the meaning the chef/bosses give to each of the chocolate - Emotions, Type, Dosage...

Try it out when you have the chance yupps!

Prev visit to Cheeky Chocolates

guess you're the only one.

love to share good things w you :D

12:50 AM

Labels: Friendship, happy food.

doodled at Tuesday, October 07, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Friday, October 03, 2008

.when you move on too quickly..

I know it shouldnt be interfered by me in any way. That's why I didnt say anything to her. I only prompted questions to seek for a slight knowledge of what's on her mind. All I have seen was the forgotten yesterday and the embraced today. For the better or for the worst. We always say 'Move On'..but it seems like when you move on too quickly, something is wrong too.

Where's the remorse, the guilt?

Where's the sadness?

Hidden emotions..could it be? So many of us went ahead or forced ourselves to undergo the 'Numbing Therapy'. Is numbing not feeling or numbing as a mode of hiding yourself from vulnerabilities?

These days I wonder if the physical trade-in is less of a burden than emotional investments? The mindless physical loss, momentary indulgence contrary to the warmth and love, strain and tear of the mind. What an expensive empty indulgence for the former.. Note that It's so much easier to just pack and leave if it's the former.

I visualised the state of mind as a place of sand, just like a beach. With each emotional investment a pair of foot-prints on the piece of sand or maybe 2 pairs. One of yours and one of his. Yet those of physical 'trade-in' is defined as leaving no traces on the sand or have been tucked under some logs, hidden somewhere.

Adding the sea-water, as 'time'...they washed off the least penetrating emotions and leave those deeply etched emotions intact or requiring multiple washes to still leave behind a print that doesnt hurt like it used to be; just a nice imprint. The beauty of one's life is when you see many foot-prints on the sand and not when you see tract wheels' prints running across the sand. You cant even figure out whose footprints are those...too brief, too quick. Worst of all, it has become so quick that it leaves behind a piece of flat sand-land. Just imagine a vehicle moving at high speed across the sand and you will realise how different it is from the distinct foot-prints.

I would want a foot-print, wanna keep a foot-print.

It's too much to see 2 persons being once-so-close becoming strangers-like and forgotten overnight. Attention should be given to 'once-so-close'; mental intimacy and/or physical intimacy.

Still dreaming about the violent times

Still wary bout the peope I let inside.

2:27 PM

Labels: inner voices

doodled at Friday, October 03, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 1 Comments

Thursday, October 02, 2008

.Wonderful Times Again

First desserts at ben & jerry since Cheeky's return!

27 Sep 08 -Ben & Jerry at Cathay

And the night's talk bout RESPONSIBLE men...

Shokudo - 30 Sep 08

It's always good to have something you used to have and love so much. The usual late nights out, one activity after another. To be able to do things together without too much of a hesitation, all in the name of enjoyment and fulfilment. Just hafa admit that recurring mental burden is bad. Too bad I was alil tired after movie and became less conversational..

Swenson's White Choc Blondie - 30 Sep 08

We talked bout how likely one in love can easily Cognitive Dissonance. Not that I agree with him that I'm committing such a dissonace too. Consiciously, I know i'm not.

In fact I think that Self-fulfilling Prophecies is more likely..If you look at the most basic way of how this mechanism works..it seems like everyone suffers from it.

Expectations towards somebody -> you therefore behave in a certain way somewhat congruent to your expectations -> person in a specific way coz of way of treatment -> Confirm your expectations.

Sometimes I wonder how detectable is this? OR can you actually detect it? It's so easy and normal that you treat ur loved ones better...and reciprocation, supposedly traits of a good character. Reciprocity in kindness at least. If it exists, in this case, I think self-fufilling prophecies are happening in a 2-way direction.

OH. and who's trying too hard? The fact that one probably need to sustain their self-esteem through a series of reminders and goals. And I believe self-esteem is etched into one in the most sub-consicious manner. It's only when u think that you are more superior than others out there then will you feel good about yourself. Frankly speaking, I feel that self-esteem should be a relative cognitive element than an absolute one. Or for the least, you have to nativfy it.

I dont wanna run away

but I cant take it anymore, I dont understand

3:19 AM

Labels: Dine, happy, happy food., my love :), Reflections

doodled at Thursday, October 02, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Threesome: Shop & Hard Rock Cafe

Saturday - 27th September 08

A date with Goey to finally check out Hard Rock Cafe as mentioned during my holidays. Oh man, that's like don't-know-how-long-ago! And my sis was feeling bored so she tagged along..

The gals went kinda out-of-control at Zara (grins) in shoes today. I fell in love with the 129bucks booties. I wanna get at least one booties these days...there are just so cool yet cute sometimes.

Not the usual mirror.

ART

I was just randomly capturing pics and it turns out that this pic is really artistic...in my own opinion at least. Partially coz it was messy. Seems like you cant be too neat to be Artsy.. :D

Evening dawned...and we found ourselves hungry and tired from the shopping. We almost wanted to settle for Caurousel at Royal Plaza on Scotts but apparently coz of Ramadan, the price rose up by a huge gap, according to !!!.

Hard Rock Cafe, Singapore

Think its a good place for Rock Oldies lover...Half the time..they were playing really old rock songs..(which only one ive seen before is Blondie..coz of Cheeky) the rest? I have no idea at all. Isnt really a good place if you're looking for one where u can have a good conversation..coz u have to raise ur volume by one or two. But I guess they play modern rock too..like 'Never again' from Kelly Clarkson's previous album.

The interior, together with the Menu, was kinda Americanised..displayed of guitars all over the place and the significant rock stars' posters and items (like that big coat of...*hmm)

A place for birthday apparently...in merely 1 hr plus...ther's already like 7 birthday songs heard....But the way they do it is quite cool though...The fish&co alike way but with announcements across the 2 levels..bells...song and sometimes a live performance like singing by friends.. and probably w a much better complimentary sundae..

Haven met up with Goey for a couple of months. The same sentence is always heard when we meet up.. "I wonder when's the next time we're going to see each other again"...Nowadays, it seems to become a once every few months thing.. :( bad! But I guess that's what happen when we get so busy with life. Are we really?

Dinner for the night!

The 'Rock' Chop - A large center cut smoked Rib Pork Chop grilled and basted with a sweet Maple-mustard glaze. Served with White Cheddar smashed potatoes,fresh vegetable and a fresh Granny Smith Apple-Mango chutney.

I ordered the 'Rock' Chop thinking that it could probably be one of their specialities. Taking a mouthful from the smashed potatoes.. (now, it's really smashed here,not mashed) and noticed the different from the normal ones with the gravy on it. Nope, it didnt had any gravy on it...was just lightly sweetened. At first I thought I tasted milk in it.

Like the sweetened top, by the Apple-Mango Chutney, on the Rib Pork...gave it a 2 layered taste to it. Although half the time I cant see them due to the darkness of the cafe.

Weird...but I love the burnt sides of the Rib Pork Chop...but the meat was alil alil hard for me. hees.

Twisted Mac, Chicken and Cheese..: A grilled chicken breast tops off twisted Cavatappi pasta tossed in a lightly spiced 3-cheese sauce, with garlic, roasted red peppers and Romano parsley bread crumbs. Served with a side of garlic toast.†

An order made by sister as she didnt wanna have too much meat. It was actually Macoroni with cheese with quite a nice cheese-sauce...coz it wasnt too thick that makes u feel sick after a few mouthful. Light yet creamy as the key. Tried alil of the garlic toast too...Besides adding abit of a variety to the dish... it is really not the prime of the dish..

Hickory Smoked Bar-B-Que Chicken..: Famous Southern-style half-chicken, rubbed, grilled and basted with our authentic Hickory Bar-B-Que sauce. Served with seasoned fries,ranch beans and fresh coleslaw.

Goey's BBq Chicken was really well-smoked. I guess...credits must be given to the Sauce used and skills of the chef. The fries was particularly differently and I really love it...too well seasoned! Another interesting thing is the Ranch beans...yummie..

Pouts

Threesome

This is a good example of a terribly failed shot despite all the embarassment which i tried to ignore...The stares from the waiters and probably other patrons. But well, entertained my 2 companions! :D

There goes to show that the few criteria for initial attraction (any kinds of attraction..including friendship) is right to a large extent for us..After some many years...we are still v good friends...despite probably little communication compared to years before.

-propinquity, similarity and maybe a lil of reciprocity-

the 2 who got associated coz of JAN08BKK!

And the whole night or should I say always? They probably had li choice but to take pics for me ;D

if it's too hot for you..

then drop it to the floor.

2:39 AM

Labels: Extravagance/Fine-Dining, Friendship

doodled at Tuesday, September 30, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Monday, September 29, 2008

.Other side of the story

Read the Planner's Story for Anniversary, for a complete picture.. :D

Here!

doodled at Monday, September 29, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Thursday, September 25, 2008

.Sudden Retracts

A short post before I start studying for the day.

A long but fufilling day. A short project meeting in school, followed by working in sch; photoshop and data entry for a Prof. It amazed me how she identified those badly damaged coins. Voices of 'rotate somemore, further..further' have been ringing in my head for the whole of the afternoon.

Before dance, I met up with Cheeky for a relatively short dinner. *soup, soup* Come to think bout it...seems to be some time ago that I actually meet him after his work for dinner. And a chubby machine has detected a fatigue gloom.

Headed for Dance practice at 8+...before L.A. Hip Hop begins at 9pm. The way Instructor Ash teaches the class is very much different from Xiao Ke and Lavigne. With a pump of youth, energy and humour into the class..it seems to have lifted the spirits of all. As for the dance style itself, I admit it's tough. It's certainly less tiring than Reggae, since it's more of flow.. but doesnt seem very easy to grasp the flow/waves, isolation and most importantly accent. He mentioned the beauty of L.A. is the sudden retracts and/or pops JUST towards the end of a beat. That's very different what I've done over the past year...an energised-orientated pops and sexy-pretty steps. In L.A., it's more of a cool. Perhaps what they say is right..must be right that you need some time to adapt to the different style of a teacher...all the more, more time required to get used to the style in a particular genre of dance.

And I wonder...are dances really gender oriented? As in, are some dances suitable for certain genders of us only? I'm not bringing in Stereotypical views of any but it does show that guys really seem to look better in hip hop like L.A or maybe even lyrical. Conversely, gals definitely look more apt in Girls Hip Hop and Reggae. Then again, that's how those names came bout isnt it?

New Choreography song: Invisible by Jackie Boys
Newly Addicted-to Songs: Hush Hush by Pussycat Dolls (such an emo song, but so apt to hurt and strong souls in love, though a lil escapist) and Zombie by The Cranberries..
*hahas, I dunnoe how many times I've played them in 2days..more than 10times i think..for the least. -

From Everything I Wanted When You Came Along
But I'm Never Beaten From Broken Up Defeated
I Know Next To You Is Not Where I Belong

1:34 AM

Labels: Dance, my love :), Uni-, Work

doodled at Thursday, September 25, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Saturday, September 20, 2008

.Absolute Isolation: Meritus Mandarin

To sum it all before I start, they were surprising, indelible moments, soothing, sweet, cosy and luxurious.. :DD

Friday - 12 September

The grand plan goes this way.. On Friday night before I pack my stuff for ''weekend home'', I was told not to leave the house until he has told me what's that one thing to bring.. So i waited patiently for this busy man to tell me what's that one thing.. And it turns out to be.... my swimsuit.. !

When I saw Cheeky... I asked him " Uh...are we going swimming?" and I was told that we MAY be going for a swim before anniversary dinner..If not, we can go on Sunday too.

Later in the night, Shaun came asking if we wanna join him and his girlfriend for a swim at their dad's condo tomorrow afternoon. And it was dismissed with a 'see-how' response from Cheeky, when I thought they already planned it before-hand. It's just too coincident yea?

As promised, Cheeky gave me a hint, on where we're going the next day, before we turned in.

- "A place that doesnt close until past midnight" and he wanna cross midnight with me ;D

Obviously, this wasnt a very good hint, at least to me. Coz almost everywhere opens past midnight on a Saturday night...I stumbled on my guesses.

Saturday - 13 September

We diligently packed our swimsuits, grooming needs, the clothes for dinner to go over to his dad's abode for a swim. This man is smart; he came up with the excuse that we dont have time to return and change for dinner so we have to bring our stuff along. And I docilely followed the man, as much as I can according to his plans. While I had totally no idea of the grand plan in mind. All in my mind was how will Swimming be with all of them. On the other hand, Cheeky said he dont really feel anything for the swimming but rather how the plan would work out. The waiting time before the activities for anniversary rolled out was slow..

We tucked ourselves into the car, finding ourselves driving on busy roads in the day-time. It was kinda different. Rather than the usual soothing cruise we had, things felt abit more energised. We had Cheeky cursing and swearing at car-drivers who horned at him. With the guidance from Shaun and Lin to his Dad's place, we arrived at the first destination. Supposedly a destination or not.

"Hey where are you going darling?" Cheeky asked me when I opened the car door attempting to get down with Shaun and Lin. This made me pretty puzzled and I probably gave him a blur reply.. "I'm getting off with them?" But I was told to accompany him while he go park the car..outside.

Outside? This sounds pretty weird to me. And I was just thinking how weird this condo is, not allowing visitors to park their car inside. (I'm feeling kinda dumb whenever I think of this part). The journey to the car-park "outside" was beginning to feel alil long.. until he hit the expressway. I cant help but asked.. 'why is your carpark so far away?"

"We are not going to swim, darling. We're going somewhere else.." Cheeky smirked as he utters those words. It kinda stunned me that I only replied "oh! okae..."

As the car moved towards CTE (probably the only expressway that I can really recognise), I asked if we're going to town and was told that "nope, we are just passing by town''

Soon, we reached the REAL destination and looking at where Cheeky was going, I finally got my guess. Meritus Mandarin.

Upon the arrival at the always-familiar Meritus Mandarin's lobby.. I was again urged to wait at one side. It was really sweet looking at his back-view, checking in...Doing everything by himself. And one thing that I havent mention is the kind of contentment, warmth and love felt when I saw him carry the bag of heavy belongings.- It's not about what he always do but what he usually don't do, despite it being a small favour.

Room 2042

The lovely room that we were allocated for the night was 2042, at the South Tower.

With a skillful swipe, Cheeky slotted his key-card above the 'key-hole' above the door-knob. And what stands before the opening of the door was a room which was spacious, luxurious and really soothing.. It must be the kind of holiday-mood one has when checked into a place of absolute nothingness in ur reality. Sadly, the view of the room wasnt facing the Wisma Atria Side.. Nevertheless, like I told Cheeky, this place is really a great place for a contemplative mind to think and feel.

On the right side when you enter this cosy room, it's a full-walled mirror facing the toilet with the sliding door..On the left side when you enter, it's a simple yet classy and sparkling clean toilet with a bath-tub!

In the room, neatly plain yet luxurious-oriented white coupled with orangey-red furniture really made the furnishing look really compatible. The bedsheets were of no crease and had four big comfty pillows laying on each other. Most importantly, it, the king-sized bed, was big enough.. for me to roll around. :D

After exploring our own room (looking through the drawers, the pamphlets, the menus etc), we checked out the Tennis Court and Swimming Pool and finally decided to go for an hour swim before it closes at 7pm.. The water was quiet. Not a single soul in the pool. All there was were a few foreigners sun-bathing at the side of the pool, despite being an almost sun-less evening.

Special memories during swimming given to ..

1) how Cheeky taught darling to float on her back and swim backwards, rather than her standard Breast Strokes..

2) How Cheeky asked me to count from 1-20 but swam to me within 5 at the 1.5m mark, grabbed my ankle (yuppps, i screamed) and carried me up on his shoulders as if a token of triumph.. =x

3) the competition of who can swim further away with just one breath. And....I lost.

4) the attempts to dive downwards..

5) the piggy-backs..

This has to be, I say for sure the best moments the 2 of us have since Cheeky's return from the US..

Desk and Sofa

The lady has a choice for dinner. To ensure that Cheeky wasnt making all the decisions for the day, he let me choose among the list of dining places he has in mind for us. Here it goes, Triple-3, Pine Court, Chatterbox or in-room dining? I couldnt make up my mind for that. While I thought that in-room dining is gonna be reallly rare, I was afraid that Cheeky wanna have it somewhere else.. Like a tug-a-war, I finally finally chose in-room dining and was glad that it was parallel with Cheeky's initial decision! *grins, grins, grins.*

One of my favourite pics!! ;D

Another favourite pic!

Setting up of the table of food in OUR room!

Really love the look when this man sign off the bill, not for materialistic reasons but the kind of

'air' and masculinity.. =D it took them approximately 25 minutes to deliver our orders up and they were all still piping hot when delivered.

Too much too much.

Dinner was really sumptuous with food from Chatterbox, Triple-3 and maybe some other restaurants from Meritus Mandarin. Especially love the Samosa...really nice! Caesar Salad w Smoked Salmon was nicely complemented too...Crisp, with the fresh salmon.

But dinner is absolute privacy, just the two of us with no restrictions in time. The simple chats over dinner. And the coincidental playing of "The Lakehouse" on HBO has complemented our dinner well with romantic love songs. *glad that we had in-room dinner.

US in the Mirror

We had ourselves lying on the bed, having heart-to-heart talks, or maybe more of a reminisce kinda chat. And even though both of us missed chilling at the Observatory Lounge, we were too full to stomach much of anything. And since I really dont feel like leaving the room... we forgo-ed chilling and enjoyed each other's company just in the room.. ;D

lovelove. chubchub loves *u!

And my only gift and surprise for this very well-deserved man is the newly-launched nano. Bought it off the shelves of I-shop when it's not even officially keyed into shop's system! :D

But it just felt utterly good when I saw how happy he was, even back home when he was fiddling with it..

I was kinda reluctant to sleep that night. Knowing that such isolation would soon be over the moment you sleep. Oh and to mention, while giving Cheeky his weekly massages, on the big bed, it really felt so much easier.... coz you dont get cramp and difficulties massaging one side of the body.

This stay with Cheeky made me realised how one couple can easily indulge in their very own best moments without the interference of the outside world and when u place their in the right environment.. I didnt realised such isolation until I walked out with Cheeky to 'stock-up'. Then had I realised Im already engulfed into the moments belonging to our the 2 of us. It's a very very new experience.

As to why One year or One month? It was with regards to the kind of honeymoon period the two of us are in despite being together for one year. My idiotic smiles for the little actions Cheeky did. To the extent that the kind of sweetness really felt novel, fresh and like those of the usual first few months of couples. I'm extremely, extremely glad that we haven't lose them. And actually, if i really think these through, Cheeky's trip to US had kinda gave the relationship a 'restart', like we have started on fresh grounds.

I recall how things weren't as sweet just before he left..when both of us were on the verge of solving issues for each other, or for self. Whichever way it is.

All of these, I can safely say that we have grown stronger, much much stronger in terms of the understanding, and support (only when needed) we gave each other. The always important comfort level. The certainty of this love. The honesty emphasised. The simplicity of mine which kept your love. The complexity and contemplative that made me fell in you. We've been through the test of time and distance, non-obigatory but self-obligatory showers of concern. It sounded dumb to friends of mine ,when one year ago, i told them that our relationship were on the terms of non-obligatory and maybe even to the extent of an open-relationship. I received overwhelming response saying im insane then. Perhaps nobody..even my siblings didnt know what I was thinking about. But know what? It was such non-obligatory terms and all those mentioned above that brought the love of 2 of us up.

Over this one year, I was always said to be a good gf, a good gal who always deserves to be happy and shouldnt be sad. That even during shitty times when you were in the US, you were blaming yourself for putting those shitty things of yours as part of my burden too. But like I say..shouldnt couples be sharing good times and bad times? For the fact that I know whether I wonder get involved in your unhappiness or not, you have no right to really blame yourself. And being overly understanding, sometimes I tend to make decisions for this man.. thinking too much into the interest of another isnt really good yea? Cheeky hates people to make decisions for him especially when he knows that he chose for a reason, a reason good and convincing enough to keep that choice. Inferiority kicks in at many times with Cheeky. A man so high up there, regardless of intellectual, wit, knowledge, ideas, maturity.. I'm nowhere near. I always have the mindset that whatever I have in my life is nothing compared to everything that Cheeky has in his.

But despite all these, we never had problems. If i recall... the number of times that we really quarrelled can be count within one hand. Sometimes I really still wonder how we were made possible and not only made possible but made to grow beyond our own expectations.

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now.

8:01 PM

Labels: Anniversary, ecstatic, Extravagance/Fine-Dining, my love :), Reflections, Sweet

doodled at Saturday, September 20, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 7 Comments

Friday, September 19, 2008

.My Weakest

22 SEPT 08

It takes a year or even less, the most two for one to find out what's your weakest subjects academically. It takes about that amount of time for one to know which areas are you generally weak on, paralysed..

But it takes half a lifetime, perhaps the whole of it with the right attitude and reflections to even identify your weakest weakest personality traits. Unlike things mentioned above, personality traits are not as avoidable. It's so inside you.

I'm beginning to see all these supposedly good traits of myself to be bad. Blind optimism, that's what i always hear from vampy, from one who's jaded in life. Am I suffering from that too? I always wished I didnt. I wished that good things, good people exist. It could sometimes make me feel like crying when I think of the sad things on this planet. Why can't people believe that good things exist? That people do out of good-will than for the benefit of self?

The society is intolerant of soft-heartedness. In a place where one bites another to get a piece of that something, a piece of that something... Soft-hearted creatures are a prey. It's such exploitative relations that made me so scared now. So scared of myself. When will soft-heartedness land me in trouble...again?

Neither can many people tolerate considerate souls. Thinking for others in their shoes too much is tiring but un-stoppable. Sometimes you just wished you could stop. Oh man, even for strangers...you do that? You're an idiot.

i remembered I did this test on facebook before:

WHAT MATURITY LEVEL ARE YOU?
Adult-Though you still make errors in judgment, you arrive at them after careful deliberation.
Description: You care about others as much as yourself, often putting them before you. Though this is still a transition period, and you are still learning about yourself, you possess a certain level of self-confidence and knowledge of yourself which helps you make it through whatever life throws at you. You are level-headed, preparing yourself for the future and whatever it may bring you. Others find you to be overall reliable and intelligent-someone they can come to in times of need.

Yes, and obviously putting others before myself is my weakest link.

So trusting that when people throw all things at you, when people 'convinced' you that they has nothing to lie to you...you believed. Because you believe good people exist. Because you are soft-hearted, when you see one's disappointment.

Of all these, the root problem is?..... Stupidity. Ash.k, you're out of this world's game.

Time to reflect and pray.

the loser makes the winner's day

10:41 PM

Labels: enraged, Myself, Reflections

doodled at Friday, September 19, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Monday, September 15, 2008

.1 Year or 1 Month?

The Sweet Anniversary has just passed, 45 miutues ago,

but the Sweetness has not.

Happy Anniversary, Cheeky Darling Vampy. :D

updates to come when i've cleared my tests and projects! ;D

12:46 AM

Labels: Anniversary, ecstatic, Indelible memories, my love :), Surreal, Sweet

doodled at Monday, September 15, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Sunday, September 07, 2008

.Passage by Synergy '08

University Cultural Centre

Welcome by the brightly-lit building UCC and I was still in time. The second time that Im watching a Contemporary Dance. The previous was by AJC and this time...NUS's Synergy. In fact, I lacked the interest to look forward it in the beginning. But having watched the second, I think contemporary dances are nice to watch (but probably not my interest to dance that) coz it's artsy soothing and magical. It exhibits the graciousness of each dancers and when it intergrates with the music, props and especially lighting..I felt like i was watching some world arts.

The first office themed dance was great. Novel, it is.

Inspiration comes from these people. The relentless, "the show must go on" attitude. Having this dancer who injured her ligament but still went ahead to dance. Now.. that seriously worth a great deal of applause. And to hurt her ligament and still dance beautifully..it just makes people wonder in awe if she was putting up a show in her limpings. But apparently, it was a real injury as confirmed by Char.. And it's not only me. After the dance..audiences were asking if the injury was real or an act. It was too good to be real.

Kinda glad that I went for this performance and shared my friend's fruit in this hardwork!

Char and koon

______

And on my way back after meeting this disgusting man, it just makes me ponder on how disgusting stares can be. Staring in admiration and pure attraction is just different from a lustful, fantasized one. And it sucks especially when the latter kind of man do it like they have every right in doing so and deny your defy towards their stares. It's just such a disgust that these people in their conscious or sub-conscious have not even the least realisation that they are(were)(will be) invading someone elses private space. And well, private space here refers to the imaginary-boxed and true quantifiable private space.

If staring at something or someone relatively nicer is considered a automatic reflex, I just hope to refute this and say that it is controllable. Then again, it's all too superficial to forget that some people are just not too right up there and perhaps the sexual drives generated from their hypothalamus are just so strong that all other brain parts governing logic, rationality, attention and probably movement are failing.

So then sometimes, groom or not groom?

New Ideas: Strips Series

ANOVA is insanely confusing.

we doubt simplicity when we both dont mind simplicity.
- When I ran out of words, you said it for me

10:28 PM

Labels: Dance, Myself, Reflections

doodled at Sunday, September 07, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Monday, September 01, 2008

.It's just a place..

I kinda swam it off just now. The water just felt like a piece of jelly just now where each stroke of mine just cant seem to push me forward. Guess that's what happen when you feel heavy in the mind.

That call from the clinic, supposedly as a reminder for me puts me off. I don't really wanna get acquainted to it anymore. The gloom it has with it. But I have to admit...it is psychological.

My mind was brought back and forth to scenes that I've shut them off. Over the months, I managed to cross the barrier of just standing at the counter. But now? I was told it is a must to enter the room if I wanna continue with them - those daily dosages..

And I cant childishly think that it's the place that's scary. I have to clearly attribute it as my own emotional factor. It's said that when emotions are involved, logical reasonings are gonna be hard to get across to one. But here I am, I want myself to accept things in the positive light and to embrace what is no longer there anymore, realistically. I cant get bothered with these once in every while. Thoughts are processed in 2 ways basically, one after the other. I can have those thoughts and 'memories' jumping at me rampantly, in an automatic way. But controlled processing allows me to control where and how these thoughts are gonna evolved to - for the better or for the worse.

And another fretting issue is the sudden and unexpected sum of money to pay. Well, maybe 200+ is not alot but as a student who already has the different kinds of financial commitment every month.. it's seriously infuriating that this has to appear that sudden, coz it's soo out of any of my planned expenditure.

I dont think it's gonna be very right, very matured to say that "I hate that place". Afterall, "that place" does nothing to you. The root of it? It's your own actions and if I say that I hate that place, that would mean that I cant accept my own past. Sighs. But still, it's a lil scary. Maybe just that lil. And I just almost felt like crying just now. But whats the point? In the first place, there's nothing wrong, right?

Yupps. So im gonna face it. Be it psychologically, physically or financially.

Don't leave me in all this pain.
Don't leave me out in the rain.

6:03PM

Labels: Emo.., inner voices

doodled at Monday, September 01, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 2 Comments

Sunday, August 31, 2008

.Chatterbox: It's up there.

28 Aug 08

Cheeky and I revisited Chatterbox at Meritus Mandarin to satisfy his craving for the chicken rice. [To The Previous Visit] Away from the ground floor and relocated high up at the 38th Floor where Top of the M used to be. There was this deja-vu when we took the lift up the 38th floor, when I was brought there during my birthday last year. Sadly, all the deja-vu kinda took a stop when the lift's door open.

We were brought before glass panels where the warmth of the evening shone in glaringly. It was kinda disappointing to see that even Observatory Lounge is no longer there but replaced by Chatterbox too - the chilling area. The dinner area was up the red-carpeted spiral stairs which has lost its magical effects too. It could have been due to the time of the day. Evening being evening brings a different kind of ambience. But still, it was nice 'watching the sunset', which can be considered as Cheeky's first sunset since his return.. Oh, and the thing is...it's not even revolving anymore...

And so, it just made me realised sometimes it's not so much of the location. But it's the location matched with the interior decoration of a place, plus the range and type of patrons it has and the ambience that the restaurant provides via music and probably kind of services provided.

Food in natural lighting

The same yummy Fried Dumpling and Chicken Rice... which has alot alot alot of meat..

This missing man

Oh, and this man has been missing from my cameras for a few months.. The first pics we had since his return... Cheeky being cheeeky...trying to mimic the koon's sleeping look. hahas.

Best Shot of the Day

And 27 & 28 Aug 08 marks one year to the day of our first date! It's probably the only relationship which I actually remember when is the first date..

my all

11:29 PM

Labels: Extravagance/Fine-Dining, happy, my love :)

doodled at Sunday, August 31, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

.Round the Globe

List of Places..

Aww. I dream of going to the Santorini Island in Greece since I was in like J1... kinda exotic yet soothing and seems like a really good get-away. And most importantly...feels like a romantic lil place..

This is gonna blow me away... ><

- Athens, Greece

- Paris

- Spain, Barcelona

- Copenhagen, Denmark

- Rome

- NYC

- London

- France

- Berlin

and more Asia:

- TW

- HK

- Japan

- Korea

- Australia

and I had this love for bridges... they hold such special meanings...an unexplanable kind..

- Puente de Alamillo, Spain

- kintai-kyo, Japan

- Sydney Harbour bridge

- Golden bridge & San Diego-Coronado Bridge, California

- Charles Bridge, Prague, Czech Republic

- Tower bridge, England

- Bridge of the Americas, Panama

- Oberbaumbrücke, Germany

- Erasmusbrug, Netherlands

updated on 27 Aug 08.

Yupps. Everyone or most of us dream of travelling... Gonna update this list and add more places of mine when I come across wonderful places! And i'm gonna strike them off one by one when I have the resources! :D

yupps. Apparently...I'm drifting off my work since a couple of hours ago... Think i'm dreaming too much..

maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing my time

12:21 AM

Labels: Dreams

doodled at Tuesday, August 26, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

.7 Deadly Sins. 7 Heavenly Virtues.

Yupps. I'm idling my time away now; taking a little break from this long day.

I began to wonder about the history of 7 deadly sins - Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride. So I started reading. And I happened to come across the existence of the idea of 7 heavenly virtues which somewhat complements those sins. Via self evaluation and online tests, such double affirmation tells myself that I was right. So right. My greatest deadly sin..it's PRIDE otherwise known as vanity as well. Here of course, I thought bout the extent of each sins in me afterall everyone has a little of everything. Dont tell me you dont.

Much to wonder about the 7 heavenly virtues, some sources provided 8 of them. But basically it's prudence, justice, hope, love, faith, courage, temperance..all rein to the moral wings.

Yet, if you think bout it..too much of the virtues can actually lead to sins as well..dont they? All things come in moderation. All good things turn bad when there's too much..

oh no. i'm so tired and in pain to type a proper entry.. =x stop here first.. :(

i'll seize the day if you take away

11:52 PM

Labels: Reflections

doodled at Tuesday, August 26, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

.Flashbacks

I was listening to Class95 when this song regarding protection was played...didnt really caught the title of the song though as I was lost in my own flashbacks of fond memories.

A simple act on the way to the club. That was the first time. A subtle gentlemaniness displayed by a mere displacement of myself from the outer part of the road, supposedly dangerous to a clumsy one, to the inside where there's double safety - the absence of moving cars and the presence of a 'protector'. And when this act left me with silly and discrete smiles for the night and for the subsequent days when I recalled, I still cant help smiling and feel the sweetness for an act which probably no one pays attention to now.

~Good Nights :D

I pray.
I stay.

1:58 AM

Labels: my love :), Sweet, Time Machine

doodled at Tuesday, August 26, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Saturday, August 23, 2008

.When I grow up

When I Grow Up by Pussycat Dolls

The new dance song today after Lavigne admitted that Lip Gloss was rather hiphop rather than Reggae. And this choreography is more fun and sexy according to what she said. Wonderful song. It's constantly playing in my mind now.

I was looking at the lyrics of the song or the title of the song even. It made me wonder how vulnerable one may get as we grow up. Ironic to the adage of 'one should get stronger as we grow'. We had so many dreams for life, so much hopes for it when we were younger. I haven experienced it, perhaps like what he said..i'm one of those lucky kids around. Jaded and fearful; uncertainties. The struck of all these. Growing up is not always a good thing..

_____

" You know, when I laid down there...lost for words, yet again. I really wished those hugs could make you feel better. My laughters can be a bit more contagious even if its just for a while. I meant what I said.. to stay by you. To really disrregard the past way of lifestyle; we all adapt isnt it? And I think I or we know whats behind 'The Great Pretender"...and we both didnt say anything until certain times..But I know what it means with the simple words too... 'a big boy'. The ways to handle one is to believe this one knows what he's doing and will confide when he needs to.."

I'm not really considered a very big girl yet..to be totally sensible and even be able to understand the psychology of grown-ups. This has to be examined from a few aspects of psy - developmental, cognitive and perhaps even social psy.. But even at a young age of 19, I understand the need to be able to left alone to solve and think through things. Of course, apparently, this does not apply to everyone of us. Just like how I hate it when I'm down, people began to shower extra care and concern, it's like becoming a little gal again overnight. Just feels so weird, so wrong. It would feel like sympathetic concern or in worst cases, for-show concern.

So essentially, i believe..care and concern are important but not overly excessive to feel abit more real, and more sincere. I think, i think and i think (of coz from my point of view, and most likely applies to myself).. be there silently, like as usual..and only speak when need to. Yet, it's a dilemma of how to strike a balance in giving when you consider the possible factors.. the effects of it when you give more or give less. But I think this man here works pretty much the same way as I do in this area; perhaps w a slight difference.

~playing 'Miss you in a Heartbeat' by Def Leppard.

crown of scars

11:02PM

Labels: Dance, Media, my love :), Reflections

doodled at Saturday, August 23, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

.Studious

Yupps. Guess it's time to mention something about school! So far, school has been fantastic! I guess when you have the drive to do something, everything becomes easier. It seems like 80-90% of my mind is wanna-study-hard.

Weird it may be, before the start of school..I have been looking forward for school to start! To be mugging once again. Somehow it feels really good doing some of these things.

Now, these days... as I was telling Cheeky and Charmaine..I dont really mind staying in school longer and later. Somehow it feels good as well. I just don't know why all the things I've dreaded since JC (to stay away from school) is reversing its way round. I'm taking the extra effort to complete the readings and revise the lectures! :D

loving MINI CORNETTO!
loving VITAGEN COLLAGEN!
loving colourful babyy biscuits!

11:38 PM

Labels: Uni-

doodled at Wednesday, August 20, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Monday, August 18, 2008

.Spinning Butterfly

Spinning Butterfly, UP!

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything.
12:32 AM

Labels: my love :)

doodled at Monday, August 18, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

.Mummy's Birthday

Part I: You have a choice.

Sis and I took Mum to choose her own cake and buy some of her favourite food. That's first, i think. To let her choose her own cake rather than we making the choice for her. And perhaps, well hopefully, when one is left with a right to choose, it is another form of joy.

Unlike what I've expected (that a fruity cake would be chosen), Mum initially wanted a chocolate cake but decided on a coffee cake at last.

Part II: Reminiscing Childhood.

The biker Dad took Mum to Old Kallang Airport to have her favourite Satay Noodles which she used to have since she was young.. And the 'kids'? We stayed at home, hees. Coz it was inconvenient and we didn't wanna go too. Maybe that would give them a little privacy too.. hahas.

Part III: Before the usual.

We cutted the cake after sis's bf arrived, at a late 10pm. And it's always during the such moments...Mum will grin widely as if showing a slight shyness.

52 and still pretty :D

Yupps. These are all of us..who sorta celebrated this day with her. Only regrets will be to be taking photos in unglam home clothes. But well, hmphs, plain and simple.

~happy birthday.

Honesty is a wonderful wonderful thing :D

12:11 AM

Labels: Family

doodled at Monday, August 18, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Saturday, August 16, 2008

.Real hugs and kisses, anytime.:D

I'm back!

Like the previous post suggest, yupps!! Cheeky has arrived in Singapore 5days ago, safely and happier! :D

I remember how things were so surreal on the first night, Tues Morning. The first first thing we did the moment I hopped onto his car was endless kisses and hugs; like yea, we missed each other for two long months. Back home, beside the familiar double decker bed with some changes in the room, I watched him unpack his evidence of consumerism...for sure, it's more scary than I had imagined. He did bought alot alot of stuff..And even in the process of unpacking, the 'cant-help-it' factor made him gave me kisses and hugs here and there.. =x.. :D
And I always thought the look he has during packing or unpacking is funny.. hahas* Oh, and I received 3 tops and this spinning butterfly window thingy from him. hahas, I don't know what it's called.

And really..on the first night and perhaps even until the second day.. the whole feeling of having each other by each other's side is just like a surreal wonderland.. Like exactly what he said.. "it's like the soul is not in the body''. Things we couldnt believe it. And I just didnt knew how much I really miss holding his hands and walk together (yupps, even that.) until bedtime.

And bedtime is always the best best time at home. Not coz of a piggy-mindset but it's the kind of warmth I have there for me (since normally only i'm feeling cold) under the blanket. The slow drift-away from consicous in his arms, beside the soft thumping heartbeat. And the laughing at each other moments and koon's constant laughter, the fun before bedtime! Hahas, and suddenly I tot of the rotating of the blanket to the right side. hahahas. The being laughed at rolling and the curlings.

And next day, finally, we had dinner together at home at 10PM! Oh yes, coz we woke up super late. And i meant..super. hahas. Missing the eating dinner at home times terribly. To me, eating at home is always an exclusive thing we have together, before the TV.

Well, this week..though it's the first week of school...Cheeky was the priority, to the extent that I skipped lectures which I think may not be important. I only attended GEK1529 ever since his return =x

And I really miss those words said face-to-face. Like 'little darling', 'cute' and so on and so on. It's gonna be an endless list.

14 Aug 08

Happy 11 Months!

:DD

Just two days after his arrival, it's the 11th anniversary. And seriously, I don't feel the real need for this anniversary to be celebrated outside the house. Just in the house... it still feels good, like afterall..it's still being with the significant one that matters.

As the clock begans to tick closer to 12a.m, signalling the end of this day and just as I turned to the com trying to start my webcast.. A black case 'popped out' in front of me.

Goodness. It's a watch! And I always always love watches..! Watches, locks and keys always have a special meaning for me but I just can't explain how and what.

"It's a watch!" I asked. Next, I asked.."Can I open it?" And of course i'm greeted with a 'Of course!"

Thank you my dear. I Love the gift! Another really pretty watch for me! Yayys! :)

Ticking in pink.

It's such a lovely feeling to be together, side by side...

You no longer hold the same status, not like years before.

know your limits well.

(nope. im not talking bout Cheeky nor myself)

8:32 PM

Labels: ecstatic, Indelible memories, my love :)

doodled at Saturday, August 16, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

.Surprise Return?

A Quick Post!

The long wait and countdowns are over!! :D

Cheeky (hmphs) 'surprising' return...

:DD

In a short while!

1:00 AM

Labels: my love :)

doodled at Tuesday, August 12, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 3 Comments

Saturday, August 09, 2008

.Overlooked

I was planning the full timetable for school, that is including tutorial slots in it. And I just couldnt believe my eyes when I saw the tutorial slots (only Wed slots) for "Samurai, Geisha, Yakuza as Self or Other" clashing with "Food & Health" lecture. I checked, double-checked and checked again. Yupps. They clashed.

So now that would mean...I will probably have 4days week on alternatate weeks and going to school JUST to attend a 2 hour tutorial on a Thurs.. (Unless I drop that module. But I have real limited choices now)

On a positive note, that might have mean a less slack semester or rather push me to be less slack. Perhaps really a push for me to really study hard and serious this semester. Year 2 is beginning in 2 days time. And I gotto study hard for my own goal! I guess it's all the rest I have during this holiday that makes me feel I'm like totally ready for school. I can't wait to read Social Psy! It's one of my favourite! :DDD

Oh and I should record this. I removed that irritating little thing on me yesterday! (7Aug08). Hopefully it will be fine! :D..I always remembered how people like JianXun who laughed at me in front of so many people, saying how he wished to pluck it out. Those times in Secondary School, I really wished to hide into some holes..Even though I have gotten used to it as I grow, it's always on my mind to possess some kind of a flawless or flaws less beauty...

It's my Heartbeat.

It's getting louder..

1:25AM

Labels: Myself, Uni-

doodled at Saturday, August 09, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 4 Comments

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

.Drive away

yea..doing collage(s).......
suddenly feel excited and also in dilemma.... There's always something to draw my attention away...

I tried to climb your steps.
I tried to chase you down.
I tried to tame this mind.

10:15 PM

Labels: Myself

doodled at Wednesday, August 06, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

.Should I?

I'm asking myself this question now: How much love do I have for it?
It's gonna be another heavy burden along the months. Thinking if i can manage this additional burden coz once I start...I don't really wanna stop so soon..

I really love it...but how much is this love worth? How far does it qualify for my investments - time, effort and money...

Arghs. I hate it when financial tightness has to stop me from doing what I want. Then again, who will like that?

dilemma..

9:26 PM

Labels: Dance

doodled at Wednesday, August 06, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 0 Comments

.Sunny-side up, please.

Beat the bad times with positive thoughts that can shape your life.

I read an interesting article on Sunday from Straits Times. An article that made me agree with it. It is a pretty optimistic piece of article. But it would be good to note that a cancer patient wrote this. Perhaps I'm still not jaded enough to find this article THAT delusional. But I hope it will give some light to the down ones. I have skipped the intro though.

".........I have since come to believe in the power of the mind. I do not mean to suggest that the mind can overcome all suffering or illness. This is too simplistic a view.

But I do think there is some truth to the truism that we are what we think, and wisdom n the old adage that positive thinking can transform lives.

If nothing else, putting a positive spin when going through a difficult phase in life helps us stay hopeful- even if it does little to change the material facts of the circumstances.

And as we all know, hope in the face of adversity can be a great source of strength.

Sentient, feeling, loving human beings are no strangers to sufferings. Pain is a constant in life; only those who have stopped loving and stopped growing feel no pain. When one feels pain, the temptation to anaesthetise it away with activity is strong. It is only when we embrace the pain, accept it, trace its contours, learn its rhythms, that we can hope to move beyond that valley of pain, into the flatlands of daily, routine of life.

In the darkness of the valley, it is easy to lose sight of hope. It is easy to mistake a transitory journey through the darklands, for a permanent sojourn.

It is precisely at such times, that the power of the mind can work wonders.

When I go through these valley experiences, I have come to rely on an arsenal of tools both spiritual and material.

In the material world, I stave off depression by tapping on friends and company. I try to eat regularly and sleep well, with the aid of herbal or medical concoctions if necessary.

I make myself do things even when all I want to do is stay home and mope. I dragged friends to shop with me, take time out for a massage, visit someone - even when every light in my universe seems dimmed, when every activity is poignant with loss and anguish.

My spiritual arsenal has expanded over the years. Meditation in the Catholic tradition has become a lifesaver, as has more mainstream forms of prayer.

When the heart and mind want to dwell excessively on negativity and pain, I practise the habit of zapping negative thoughts.

It's very simple: you learn to identify the thought patten that triggers feelings of despair. You zap the thought and say: Stop.

You replace that negative thought pattern with a pre-determined sentence or affirmation that is positive and life-giving.

It is amazing how well such a simple prescription works, and how quickly you are able to stop trains of negative thinking in their tracks.

Amid the confusion and pain of a turbulent episode - whether it's a major illness, a divorce, a bereavement of a job loss - it requires superhuman effort to remember that life is not always so grey. It require wilful effort to believe that one day, things will get better.

For most of us, the pattern of our lives and memories of happier times, will beat out this faith that from the desolation of the ashes today, a phoenix may arise tomorrow.

Positive affirmations are one simple way to help us remember that after the tempest comes the rainbow - whose beauty can stir our battered souls.

If all these sound like mumbo-jumbo to you, at least know that there are sizeable numbers of people in the world today practising such esotheric mind practices who will swear they work.

A 2006 movie, The Secret, tells of the "law of attraction" - a reference to the belieft that positive thinking and hopeful expectation attracts what we want into our lives.

This is apparently not a new idea but can be traced back to ancient Egyptian and Hindu Philosophies.

I've often thought of God and the universe as benign beings who want good to human beings. If that stands, it's a matte of simple logic to believe that God, the universe, all powers that be, conspire to give you the things you need and want, which are good for you and good for others. And they are just a hopeful, positive, wilful thought away.

Call me an optimist, but I reckon that a pretty hopeful way upon which to build a life."

Taken from Thesundaytimes August 3, 2008 by Chua Mui Hoong.

I didnt buy the faith in God of hers. Personally I find the strength in her fight towards the ugly phase of life remarkable. I've always thought it's really important to never lose hope. True enough, hopes are things of uncertainty..they may once again bring you down into disappointment but it makes one alive.. Sometimes we wonder, why do we fight on? For various reasons I guess.

She said.."only those who have stopped loving and stopped growing feel no pain". I thought it was so true. It will be scary to see one feeling immune to the ugly phase of life, when u gave up in everything even in prayers. Someone with no love and stopped growing is as good as an emotionless corpse which is more scary than an anguish alive feeling soul. Sometimes I really look forward to the innocence in life. Seems like innocence loves the most and is still growing at the most.

Having said that, hopes cant be inserted into a person just like this. We need to find it ourselves, within ourselves.

You make it easier to be me

6:34 PM

Labels: Media, Reflections

doodled at Wednesday, August 06, 2008 by koon | Doodlelink | 2 Comments